September 2013 – Chasing Joy

Month: September 2013

writing for 31 days on Provision

September 30, 2013 / mel / 0 Comments

PROVISION:

1. The act of providing or making previous preparation.

2. Things provided; preparation; measures taken beforehand, either for security, defense or attack, or for the supply of wants.

PROVIDE:

v.t. [L. provideo,literally to see before; pro and video, to see.]

1. To procure beforehand; to get, collect or make ready for future use; to prepare.

Abraham said, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt-offering. Gen.22.

5. To foresee; a Latinism. [Not in use.]

6. Provide, in a transitive sense, is followed by against or for. We provide warm clothing against the inclemencies of the weather; we provide necessaries against a time of need; or we provide warm clothing for winter, &c.

Nester does a 31 days series in October. This year i’m giving it a go. it feels like giving myself an assignment as tho i was in school, and i’ve never been great at the spelling or grammar…..but whose grading?? 🙂 The word Provision has been on my mind lately. And when i looked it up in that old 1828 Webster’s dictionary i saw a depth i’d never thought of before. (if you click on the definitions above you’ll be taken to the online version)

So here goes to 31 days of learning to see the things provided.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Torn

September 27, 2013 / mel / 2 Comments

in 4 days i will forget these words (about Rain) to myself. literal rain will fall and fall and fall and roads will wash away and again we will be separated from a community we love. and i will catch a cold and my daughter will catch a cold and we will spend these free days that have come-these days when the schools are closed and all activities are cancelled and tho the road is dry in front of my house, we must stay home. we will spend them sick and with way too much tv and so we are given a gift of rest in a way. while outside deep losses and griefs are occurring. and i will get a phone call that frustrates the hell out of me. the party girl wants cigarettes and she wants me to go get her some. no. i won’t do that. there are so many things on so many levels that are wrong with that. the city is flooding for crying out loud.

and as a result my writing is scattered and my thoughts are disorganized. But in the midst of it all, He still speaks.

outcomes.

these thoughts…. and the old Love and Rockets lyrics play on repeat “these thoughts pin me to the wall” these thoughts of all these outcomes…

but He whispers in the mist/midst of my grieving and my gratitude and my temptations to feel guilt for the gratitude and anger for the grief, and longings deep to be somewhere else, and grief over that too, and not really knowing how i feel because it keeps changing each second. and i just want Jesus to come. back. today. right. now. and be done with all this already.

Still, He whispers:

hope and help

he whispers it through Matthew chapter 1 (really, this is the family tree?? these people??)

he whispers it through Acts 17:26-28 (He determined the exact places where men would live)

(the sticker the National Guard placed on our window of our cabin. Reminder of where we are not living.)

He speaks through these words from Emily and Ann and a friend:

“ You can’t control outcomes – you can only model how to become.”

Am I willing to finally release my perceived right to control every outcome and instead trust the results to God?

“Trust……when the outcome is beyond our ability to predict……that’s the place of trust.”

This tearing, pulling it’s deep within me. i feel pulled. i feel stretched by the outcomes, and lack of them. i feel torn in two and grasping for hope. the rain it refreshes and destroys. and both at the same time only a few miles apart.

Yet Christ promises hope.

He promised it=hope. and in the midst of being torn, he enables to keep going=help.

“For we have no power against this great multitude (of stuff) that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You. My help is in the name of the LORD who made heaven and earth.”

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Rain

September 10, 2013 / mel / 0 Comments

she is pulling away
i get a call from her caseworker
and go to check
and she’s dressed for a party
but she opens the door for me
and her tears flow
we sit and read psalm 139
and i give her a hug
but i cannot make her choice.

in another world, a dear sweet one comes to Bible Study
even tho she is feeling old and weak
fighting the cancer within
and tomorrow she will learn what her options are.
and she is hanging on – to Christ’s every Word
and it works
and she is comforted.

i’ve been 20 years now at this Bible Study
this will be my 4^th time through the Book of Matthew
i started out lost. 4 years of His words, i became His
so i know that it works.

whom the Son sets free, will be free indeed.
but it won’t work for some? it will seem like it isn’t working for some.
and what do i do with that?

keep going. just keep going.
because He has said:

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
¹¹So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

oh Lord, our only hope is You.

Only You.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

The First 6 Weeks of School

September 6, 2013 / mel / 0 Comments

The First 6 Weeks of School. It’s an old book, used first by my aunt who was a teacher and then passed on to me. I remember the principles set forth, those first 6 weeks establishing routines and how the class will run the rest of the year. The importance of putting in time those first 6 weeks on these seemingly insignificant things so that learning can really take place later on.

i’m transitioning.

and this first week was full of interruptions. and there was no ‘first 6 weeks’ routines established. just lots of tears and pleas and prayers. (and rebellion and complaining; “This is Not what i planned for today!” -to be quite honest)

or maybe……

the routines will come, i will learn this new place and pace.

but the pleas and prayers-nothing insignificant about that-and how necessary it is for the real learning within to take place.

and this new transition brings with it attack on my identity-as change often can. and that still small voice whispered often…..

he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

this first week my Teacher/Shepherd has established what remains the same as always:

His word is my comfort

His ear is always available

His judgments are just

His grace all sufficient

Original post blogged on b2evolution.