“He has made himself unable to hear my voice.  Oh Adam’s sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good… “ CS Lewis, The Magicians’ Nephew

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.”  Isaiah 30: 15

 

driving away, i begin to think…..

what have i just done?  it all happened so fast.  my boys…are they now safe?  or have i  just put them in danger…. the risk and danger is very real, very possible.

and then all the disapproving and condemning voices sing an opera of scenarios…

what else is there to do but pray? 

oh my Lord, You know this frame.  This brain that does not think quickly on its feet.

They belong to You.  You love them.  You are sovereign-in control, reigning.  If tragedy or any number of those afore mentioned scenarios come to pass….

i can  trust Your love.

for me and for them. 

 

i arrive at my destination….finding extra minutes given unexpectedly.  lots of extra minutes…opening a Bible,  i’m Divinely directed to psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you know it completely, O Lord.

⁵ You hem me in —behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶     your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
    were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
    I am still with you

You know, You know it all.  and You can be trusted whatever comes.

and my heart is at peace.

….boys were safe, a relationship began, a new relationship was strengthened.  but that was not the measure of success for that day.  it was the heart at peace amidst my inabilities, fears, and failings.  it was the awareness that perhaps, just perhaps,  i have become able to Hear His Voice, and willing to cease ‘protecting’ myself  from ‘all that might do me good.’  for it is true that in quietness and trust is my strength.  Not (the illusion-for it is really just an illusion) of control and ‘safety’.  He has promised me that ‘in this world i will have trouble.’  that is the guarantee. 

It comes with these strength words:

                  ‘but take heart, I have overcome the world.’