it’s been quiet around here this week.
i wrote on Tuesday.
but (obviously) did not publish.
because the words stopped coming for a moment and so i walked away and then allowed fear and comparison to enter the void.
and then just moved on with my world….forgetting, actually forgetting, all about it until just now when i pulled up MSword to write on my ponderings of Matthew chapter 8.
Tuesday’s post was about artists.
i let fear keep me from completing my art.
Matthew 8 (it will make more sense if you read the passage too?) begins with 3 different stories of healing. i am slowly learning to shift my vision and focus when i read scripture. typically i’d read each story one at a time-and create a list of things to copy so the story could be mine too. but this time i sat down and read the entire chapter all at once and mapped out verses 1-17.
the leper kneels and pleads with Jesus for healing-telling him exactly what he wants;
the centurion goes to Jesus and tells Him about the problem, not stating what he wants the solution to be.
Peter’s mom-in-law doesn’t do anything. Jesus goes to her house, sees she is sick, touches her and she is healed and begins to wait on Him.
“Lord what do You have for me here? because i can’t make a moral to do list, they are all so very different. the only thing in common is that You healed them……the only thing in common is You…..and the word i am seeing repeated here in this chapter is….. Authority…..”
Jesus has authority over all of creation, time, space, infirmities, diseases.
and He is very personal and relational about it. and oh so full of grace.
the leper was sure of His power, but unsure of His character; “Lord, if you are willing….”
the centurion seemed both sure of His authority and character-trusting that Jesus would care about the suffering of his servant and His ability to “just say the word and he will be healed.”
Peter’s mom-in-law. she says nothing…..
once my husband was out of town and my 3 were off at school and i was sick as sick could be. i spent the day laying in the bathroom-because the toilet needed to be that close. my daughter comes home from school informing me that she and some classmates have made plans to get together at our house to work on a class project. in about 10 minutes.
i wonder if that’s how peter’s mom-in-law felt. and Jesus knowing the burden of hosting a Rabbi and his followers, just goes and touches her. He doesn’t even say a word. and nothing is recorded that she says anything back, she just gets up and performs the hospitality she’s been taught to do when a teacher comes calling with your son-in-law.
when i finish mapping it all out in my notebook the two questions i ask myself are:
what about His character do i need reassured of? (“I am willing”)
How does this visual of His power and personal relating….
what does that have to do with Tuesday’s unpublished post??
you see the fear of publishing my writing comes from that old comparison trouble. these stories show that Jesus works personally with each person-there wasn’t some formula for approaching Him that could be gleaned from these stories-tho we have often tried so hard to do so. i think that so misses the point.
the point is that He has authority over time and space and His character is trustworthy. He cares about my humanity.
vs. 17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:
“He took up our infirmities
and carried our diseases.”
in so many areas of my life i need some sort of healing. in this particular blog space i need to be delivered from the doubt and fear that so easily entangles me and causes me to walk away from my art without sharing it.
and it robs me from the joy of having obeyed.
regardless of the results of words that flow smoothly and words that fall way short of good writing.
and so, i’ve decided that tomorrow i will publish Tuesday’s post. even if i can’t figure out how to wrap it up and it stops short in the middle of a thought. Even if i don’t get all the links and acknowledgements and writing etiquette figured out proper.
Christ has authority over time and space and His character is trustworthy. He cares about my art.
for this blogging thing isn’t about putting on a show
it’s about unashamedly sharing my art
resting in His authority and charactor to do with it what He will.