in the darkness he kisses me good bye and leaves on the jet plane-he’ll be back next week and then will have some time off-yay!

a few hours later the calls begin to trickle in from school nurses everywhere and one by one my children end up home sick with a feverless flu.  in a matter of 24 hours all 4 of us remaining behind have become sick.

i breathe deep and wave the white flag of surrender.  i argue with the voice declaring; “figures” by sitting long with Sara’s adoration….You are acquainted with grief, misunderstood Savior, formed in Mystery….  we eat ramen and crackers and popcicles.  we nap and listen to Narnia. we drink lots of water and take all the extra vitamins.   i find myself weepy over any and every single thing.   i put away the white flag and rebelliously declare; “to bed early! tomorrow everyone’s back at school!” only to find that tomorrow morning comes and my declaration was powerless to make anyone well.  and so i surrender again.

we’ve been hunkering down for a few days now, and i’ve inwardly ranted about the state of our fast-paced culture, the demands of work and school, the junk food we ate last weekend, the running that never happened, grasping at something, anything i can direct blame to for yet another bout of illness for the umpteenth time.  finally i come to the end of myself…..i‘m done.  i surrender trying to figure it all out and do all the healthy things-if i’m gonna do something healthy it’s gonna be just because it’s the right thing to do-not to keep us from getting sick cause i just have no control over that.

eventually they will all return to school and i will be here alone.  and i will miss them.

it all feels like a curse and i just want off the rat race-but i’m not in any frame of mind for any clear thinking.

my body is full of sickness-and i am depressed about it.

and then….we begin to exit the residual sick-brain fog enough to gather around for our advent devotions-one decides to dim the lights and light the candles.  we’re behind so we formulate a catch-up plan taking 2 days at a time.

the wonder of all wonders begins to happen in a candle-lit living room of recovering sick-heads and their grasping for a catch-up plan

two stories back to back;
abraham and sarah-laughter at the gift of isaac
abraham and isaac-and the sacrifice God asked.

we close the book and think on it all.

“Wow, how quickly life goes from laughter to sorrow back to laughter again.” “How must it have felt to look up and see that ram?” ….we can imagine it….. “he got his life back.” says one.  “I would celebrate everyday if i was him.” says another

All of a sudden i’ve become Charlie Brown; “That’s It!”

This is Christmas!  We got our lives back!  Christ came!  This is why He came!

and then-lo and behold-a chorus begins to play in my head;

 Far as the curse is found
Far as the curse is found
Far as, far as the curse is found

whatever form of living under the curse i happen to be in at the moment-however foggy my brain happens to be-whether i feel it or know it or don’t…

the wonder of His love is that it reaches….

far as the curse is found.