Chasing Joy

"I am guiding you on the way of wisdom and I am leading you on the right path." Proverbs 4:11

breathing among the papyrus reeds

Then [Moses' mother] placed the child among the papyrus reeds along the bank of the Nile.  His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.

Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe.  She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her slave girl to get it.   -exodus 2

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at the last minute we decide to walk to school.  i place a ball cap on my head, grab my phone and off we go.  i decide that walking is nicer than driving and we talk more than when on the bike.  i walk him all the way to the playground give him a hug and off he bounds for another day of 4th grade.

i see a friend that i can’t recall ever seeing in the morning before school.  she looks at me and says;

i know why you are here.  God brought you here on purpose.  He knew exactly what i needed today.

on a fluke, she had walked around the building with her 4th grader too.

did you catch there what i did?  i called it a fluke.  but it was no fluke.

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all the disciplines have been a fight lately.  i fight to pray.  i sit with my Bible in my lap and my eyes blur and the words are still and dead and stagnate.  so i talk with Him about it.  and i ask for help.  but day after day i find it the same.  one day last week the words became alive again and in my joy i shared it all here.  i thought maybe the dry season had ended and the rainy season had begun.  but the fight returned and it’s been more of the same.

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we sip tea together and talk of the deep heart issues.  His Word springs forth and quenches as only It can. and i am left to marvel at the words that come and the Truths that we embrace together.  i share a little of this marveling especially in relation to how things have felt this summer.  and she says;

it’s because it’s in you.  His Word is in you.

i’m entering a different place of trust here….always another place of trust.

what she said is true in its way.  He has promised that just as the rain waters the earth, so do His Words that go out from His mouth, accomplishing what He intended.  He has also said that streams of living water will overflow from within those who are His.

But there is more.  i remember Joseph’s words;

and God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this place…

and i remember how Pharaoh’s daughter happened upon that little baby in the basket.  and i acknowledge that it is no less a miracle that my friend and i happened upon each other.  And what i so enjoy about the whole thing is that i didn’t have to have showered or dressed for the occasion.  i didn’t’ have to have any profound revelation.  i didn’t even have to know to show up.  i just had to be breathing.  all the rest?

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was God surely coming to our very aid.

heading back to N. Carolina to spend time in a Barn

Last year i went to N. Carolina to attend an afternoon At The Barn

as a family we’d been impacted by a fire in 2011, another one in 2012, living in town 5 of us crammed into a 2 bedroom 800 sq ft house, and many battles for hope.

personally, i’d turned 40 and found myself walking blindly through a fog of decisions that included leaving a ministry i’d been a part of for 15 years, clueless as to where the Lord was taking my heart and my life but following step by step and clinging to Isaiah 42:16 and 50:10-11

in the middle of a flood, i pressed the button to reserve my ticket for The Barn Event.

on the plane i finished up the last chapters of Emily’s book; A Million Little Ways, and waited in anticipation for all that the Lord would do during this much needed weekend away. then there were no words for all that transpired between the airport and the actual event.  but i carved out a few anyway-The Lord, my Shepherd .

worn and weary i headed out on the road towards somewhere, NC and that glorious Barn.

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and i began to breathe 

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And for an afternoon i was refreshed, inspired, seen.  and i was so very glad i went.  

and i learned a thing or two about rest.  that rest not a place, rest is a Person.  yes He can use a place to draw me into deeper rest in Him-What Emily said about hope applies here too.  sometimes rest finds you on the Beach, while other times you have to dig for it among the bugs.

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lately i’ve been growing in taking my writing more seriously.  by that i mean, actually telling people; “i’m writing”  i tried it out the other day at the vet’s when i got to see our actual vet whom i’ve known for years but rarely get.  the question came; “how have you been, what have you been doing?” and i updated him about the ages of my kids and then i said; “i’ve been writing.”  the vet was a safe place to try it out, it’s less risky because the odds of him actually asking to read anything is very slim.  

but the saying it out loud to someone else means i am giving it value.   

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home alone, i was on Emily’s blog the other day and i saw the link to another barn event.  this time specifically for writers.  my heart skipped a beat and i payed attention.  i allowed myself to go there.  that meant clicking the link to the event and checking out the details.  then  looking around online at flights and hotels and what would it cost?  then seeing the cost and knowing it was not doable and sitting back in my chair and grieving.  then getting out the map and seeing what’s nearby. and then checking flights to nearby places.

it is cheap to fly to Atlanta.  i tuck the knowledge away

jeremy and the kids come home and there is all the telling about their time and i listen and we go about life.  amidst all the noise and moving about together, i mention it. softly and timidly, i mention it.  “there is another barn event, this time focused on writing.  it’s in Midland, 4 hours from Atlanta.”  

and he listens.

and sits down and pulls out his phone (because, the calendar).  this summer things shifted for him at work and he’s been traveling every month. to Atlanta.

“when is it?”
“i think that’s when my next Atlanta trip is…..yep it is.”
“i think you should do it. go ahead and buy the ticket and then we will work out all the details.”

i hesitate a bit.  then move toward the idea.  we talk about taking a weekend away together.  he mentions the places he’s been that we can now see together.  he doesn’t mind me spending part of our time at a writing event.  even though he’ll be dropping me off 4 hours from our hotel?  he says he’ll be fine finding something to do.  i’ll return home on Monday, and he’ll stay behind for work.

i buy the ticket. 

This time, i’m not necessarily going for rest (tho i’ll take it whenever it comes!)

no, this time, i’m going to Atlanta for the romance. 

and to the Barn Event?  i’m going for my heart. 

how long, O Lord, how long

africashantys

 

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am about to die. But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land to the land he promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” And Joseph made the sons of Israel swear an oath and said, “God will surely come to your aid, and then you must carry my bones up from this place.” So Joseph died at the age of a hundred and ten. And after they embalmed him, he was placed in a coffin in Egypt.

Now Joseph and all his brothers and all that generation died.

Then a new king, who did not know about Joseph, came to power in Egypt. “Look,” he said to his people, “the Israelites have become much too numerous for us. Come, we must deal shrewdly with them……
so they put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor.

But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land….

But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread so the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites and worked them ruthlessly. They made their lives bitter with hard labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their hard labor the Egyptians used them ruthlessly.

But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land……

The King of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, when you help the Hebrew women in childbirth….if it is a boy, kill him, but if it is a girl, let her live.
but they wouldn’t do it. so Pharaoh gave this order to all his people:
“Every boy that is born you must throw into the Nile, but let every girl live.”

But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land…..

Moses life is spared, and he is taken to live in the palace.

and if i were living then, maybe even if i were Moses’ mother, this would have been my plea for oh so many years;

Oh Lord, the God who avenges,
O God who avenges, shine forth.
Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
pay back to the proud what they deserve.
How long will the wicked,
O Lord,
how long will the wicked be jubilant?

They pour out their arrogant words;
all the evildoers are full of boasting.
They crush Your people, O Lord
they oppress Your inheritance.
They slay the widow and the alien;
they murder the fatherless.
They say, “The LORD does not see;
the God of Jacob pays no heed.”

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But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land….

Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt was 430 years.  At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the Lord’s divisions left Egypt.

Moses took the bones of Joseph with him because Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear an oath.  He had said, “God will surely come to your aid, and then you must carry my bones up with you from this place.”

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“Unless the LORD had given me help,
I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When i said, “My foot is slipping,
your love O LORD, held me up.
In the multitude of my anxious thoughts within me,
Your comforts cheer and delight my soul.”

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“Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In His hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is His, for He made it,
and His hands formed the dry land.

Come let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for He is our God
and we are the people of His pasture,
the flock under His care.

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i don’t know where you are this day. but i am so very well aware of the oppression at all sides on this great land we traverse. i have been crying out with the Psalmist these days; “How long, oh Lord, how long?”

has this been your plea? are you personally in need of aid, just as much as it seems every entire nation is?

take heart, dear one

for God will surely come to your aid.

to draw deeper in;
Genesis 41:41-49; Genesis 50:22-26; Exodus 1, 12, 13; Psalm 6; Psalm 94 and 95; a search on the phrase; “How Long” in your Bible.

An Unexpected Journey-looking back

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i take the time to ponder my surprising response to those who deemed my choices foolish.  and i realize the gift the broken car and sick child and sick me gave.  all of that shifted my perspective very quickly to the reality that i have no control over anything.  and the natural stress and fatigue that they brought with them shifted my energy. no longer did i have energy to spend self-editing, self-doubting, self-focusing.

i marvel at the One who takes the bad and creates something good from it.  satan’s plans are thwarted.  God is still glorified, light shines in dark places, and i become more free.  and i have nothing to do with any of it.  all there is to do is soak in the Wonder.

there is so much joy in freedom.

there is so much freedom in understanding who i am and Whose i am and Who He Is.

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looking back i see the beautiful work of a Father, moving this daughter into the world and creating Art with the way:

i keep talking even tho my words aren’t being understood
i keep deciding even tho i don’t have all the information
i reject analysis of my time with the car and with family. i let Him fight for me and once strengthened i join the fight for hope. i rest in the truth that Christ is in me-and He will come out. it is the hope of glory. it is glory’s only hope.

i take the risk and go on the hike. i speak honestly my frustration about being left behind without food and water, but don’t condemn. i listen to the journey my husband and son took with interest and share in their joy.

i pay attention to the fact that the words don’t stick. i marvel at the way fatigue and stress and sickness remove my ability to absorb another’s opinions. i recognize that not only is joy worth the fight, but avoidance of pain is not worth the absence of joy.

once we return from all the travels, i breathe deep the days of sleeping in and stop apologizing to the people in my imagination about the laundry not started and the groceries yet to get.

i accept the new definitions (travel mercies; regretless days).  i move forward looking at the last two weeks as defining moments in becoming more fully at rest with who i am and Whose i am.

i show up here and write it all down

“Perhaps the most beautiful work you can do today is to begin to accept your creative inheritance from God and learn to become yourself in the presence of others, moving into the world as the person you fully are no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what’s gone wrong.”

-The Art of Your Work by Emily P. Freeman

 

it is for freedom
that Christ as set us free.

Stand firm, then,
and do not let yourselves be burdened again
by a yoke of slavery.

galatians 5:1

An Unexpected Journey-headed north

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hope has been restored and that is a big thing.

We’ve left the Dear Ones in the South that i come from, and head to the North to Dear Ones on the other side.

We’ve traveled from the heat of the desert to the cool of the mountains.  i’m physically fatigued-but spiritually restored and that makes all the difference.  still, i’ve caught the older one’s sickness.

because, of course.

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the choice is presented for a 6 mile hike and really it’s foolish to even consider. this cold, or flu, or whatever it is, carries with it a cough and shortness of breath as it is.   but-we’re at a family reunion-and we’re in S. Dakota.  and there are all the people.  and i just think that it seems we are sick every time we travel and so i could stay in bed and rest to get better or i could go and do things i can’t do at home with people i very rarely see.

so i go.

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and since i have one son who can run a mile in 7 minutes and it takes just the glimpse of where we are going for him to loose awareness of anything else but that-he starts hiking.  Jeremy,  working to keep up with him, calls back to me and my youngest that he’ll keep track of this one if i keep track of that one.  it makes sense, i’m sick and the one with me is our slow and steady one.  but …. in the haste we forget that Jeremy is carrying all of our water and food.

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and i wonder if i will make it.

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it is glorious. and so worth it.

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of course when i get back to camp i limp over to our camper and crash.  and now it is plainly obvious to everyone that i am sick and getting sicker.  and there are a few naysayers who call my choice the foolishness that it is.  the words don’t stick.  a day without regrets has been redefined.

An Unexpected Journey-headed south

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the heat of the sun soaks into the broken van.  stuck there at exit 49 along the Colorado River and the kids aren’t quite sure what to think or say-so they sit there with big eyes and quick obedience.  i cry and pray that the tears will stop once the phone does find a signal and i am required to communicate clearly where we are and what we need.  i drain the car battery trying to keep the dying phone alive.  my phone’s charge lasts long enough to connect with roadside assistance, and there is nothing left to connect with my husband who is all the way back home.

Howard the tow-truck driver is on his way.  the kids help me pack up the car and get ready.  i tear my favorite pants on the guard-rail.  i answer their questions as best i can; -the tow truck is coming-he will get us to the nearest city.  some Dear Ones –who were adventuring themselves and aren’t too far away-are coming to help too.

after dumping the van-Howard drops us off at a dairy queen to await our coming help.  i breathe deep at the sight of the elementary school across the way.  we get our ice cream and walk over to wait.

and i am thankful for the elementary school playground and ice cream.  and for Howard who was so very kind.  thankful for the exit 49 so i could be off the highway.  thankful for the husband on the phone who is so very kind too.  thankful for the finding of a hotel-a fancy shmancy hotel-for cheap.  the term Travel Mercies is being redefined.

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still, here i am

with all these decisions to make.  lots and lots of decisions.  i have this complex and difficult history with decisions that adds to the struggle.  i’ve begun to understand this about me.


i wake in the night to hear her tossing and turning.  the thermometer reads 102.  she says her throat hurts bad.  i’ve nothing to offer for relief and no transportation.  i do what i can to make her comfortable, taking her cot and giving her the bed.  the boys sleep soundly through it all, it’s all a grand adventure and these detours are nothing to lose sleep over- to them.

i flex and make a new plan for tomorrow;

    1. pick up rental  go to urgent care
    2. pick up rental
    3. stop at transmission shop.
    4. sell car to the junk yard.
    5. get back on our way?  or just go home?

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we all decide that continuing on is the wise choice.  there are cousins to connect with and a new cousin to meet.  the kids have no idea how hard this all is.  all these decisions made with limited information and limited sleep.  they are good sports and enjoy themselves regardless of what i choose.

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 the sick one spends her days in bed while the boys and their cousin play in their fort.  grandma stays behind, because though my sick one is 14, i won’t let her be sick on her own.  we girls, as we’ve been called for years and years, spend rare hours together.   the ruts in the road are well worn and try as we might to forge a new path these ruts are deep, compounded by distance and lack of time for tending.  i realize this as we have time for talking, brief moments to share from our hearts.  i tread lightly-testing the ground as i go to see if it is safe to move forward.  sometimes it is and i share deeply.  sometimes it isn’t and i hold back.  sometimes i forget about the testing and self-editing and realize after the places that cause discomfort for them and for me.  there are moments to ponder that these are the ones who have known me the longest….yet, in some ways, hardly know me at all.

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 my prayers are reduced to groaning.  i’m losing my footing and beginning to forget what i know.  i’m spending time with family by day and tending to a sick teenager by night. the fog creeps in and my body shifts into survival, physical and spiritual fatigue takes its toll.  the One who knows and understands everything, He breaks through the fog and gives strength to keep going and keep loving and keep engaging.  to listen and seek to know, without seeking to be known.

 “in times like these,” He encourages, “it’s no longer about being in the word every day.  it’s about living the word every moment.”

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 still, despite the personal victory won of remaining engaged, other hopes fade and begin to die out.

i take a risk and share with a friend;

 “it’s just hard to see any hope of anything else but this ever.”

he replies;

 “Don’t give up hope.  God is big.”


as our travel shifts to the North, my eyes and heart begin to take in hope.  those words spoken by a fellow traveler are life giving.  the fog lifts if only a little.  my eyes catch glimpses of hope in unexpected places.  i grab the camera and my pen, because i want to remember both the bigness of my God and the way He speaks.

I AM your feast, in the presence of enemies...” (via jon foreman/psalm 23)

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 a tree-growing out of the rock.  planted and tended and grown by the Only One who could.

words that press in just the right places:

Oh child, I have searched and known you!
I know when you sit down and when you rise up;
I discern your thoughts from afar.
I search out your path and your lying down and Am acquainted with all your ways.
Even before a word is on your tongue, behold, I the LORD, know it altogether.
I hem you in, behind and before and I lay My Hand upon you.
(psalm 139)

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He is big.
Bask in the hope of His Bigness
Behold it.
Bask in the Wonder of being searched, known, and treasured.

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and then, seriously, i’m walking under Mt. Rushmore’s hall of flags and i look up and see this!! It’s Rhode Island’s flag, in case anyone wants to know. the 13th state. Admitted to the Union in 1790

 “And this hope is an anchor to our very soul, because He who promised is Faithful.”

 

Things i learned this summer

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slipping in here for a linkup with Chatting at the Sky.  Monday i will return with ‘An Unexpected Journey’ as promised.

Here are 11 things i learned this summer:

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1.  This 190something train depot will be moved to another town to serve as a gift shop for their railway museum.  Apparently the current railway company planned to tear it down, but someone in the know found this other solution.  i am sad.  this is one block from our house and i happen to like the building.  now all we will have at this intersection will be train tracks and fields of gophers and goat-heads.

2. After 15 years out of the workforce, creating a resume, introduction letter, and appearing for an interview would be a process worth going through.  not getting the job will be a nice souvenir.

3. just ten years ago taking your phone with you to dinner was not so common.

4. taking my getsalongwithallthepeopleandnoneofthedogs Saint Bernard camping and to a baseball tournament would prove good for everyone.  She got more practice with being out and about and i got better at the whole anxiety thing (she did attack a little dog once and it cost thousands of dollars to save little dog’s life so i’d been avoiding public places with her)

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5. there was a scandal over cheating and test scores in Georgia.  i find all of the information fascinating and am still taking in the tragedy these tests are subjecting our kids and teachers with.

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6. in South Dakota there is this tower that looks like a castle and it is only a 3 mile hike to get there and totally worth it even if you happen to be sick at the time.

7. there is a Dairy Queen nicely placed next to an elementary school (playground!) near a transmission shop somewhere in Grand Junction, CO.  Howard the tow-truck driver will know this, but what he doesn’t know is that it will be just the mercy and therapy we all need and i will be strengthened for what is ahead and overcome with gratitude.

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8. stressful travels will all be worth it when you see your boys in their ‘discovered’ fort near grandma’s house and hear one declare to his cousin; “this is way better than screen time!”

9. the nester finds feathers.

10. i don’t have to have previous knowledge about numbers 6-8-God will show them to me moment by moment, showing Himself to me in the moment by moments.  i find feathers too….just in a different form.  this summer i learned how to find the feathers.

11. making a deal with my son that he could earn 5 minutes of screen time for every 10 minutes of reading a book that is not Calvin and Hobbes would lead to this every. single. morning.  Note his cup of tea.  he would thoughtfully fix me a cup too and place it next to my bed.  unfortunately, by the time i awoke it would be cold because he was waking at 6 (!) and i …..wasn’t.   i will miss this summer morning routine.

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An Unexpected Journey-prologue

“Perhaps the most beautiful work you can do today is to begin to accept your creative inheritance from God and learn to become yourself in the presence of others, moving into the world as the person you fully are no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what’s gone wrong.”

-The Art of Your Work by Emily P. Freeman

 

i didn’t intend to take a blogging break this summer.  and i didn’t see the light posts and potholes along the path of moving into the world in this way that Emily describes.  but light posts and potholes they were, and as i found myself unexpectedly spending a week without internet or phone but with my laptop and time, i began to see it.  i began to see the unexpected journey i was being taken on and the threads of freedom that would weave themselves into that ‘beautiful work of accepting my creative inheritance and learning to become myself in the presence of others.’

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and so at hand is the challenging task of putting it all into words that make sense for a reader who is not me, written by a writer who is me.   i’ll be back here with those words on Monday, August 4th.   till then, may the journey you find yourself on be full of unexpected joys along the way.

 

on looking out into the great unknown and being afraid

it is truly wonderful to know He has the blueprint and is following it to the dot….He knows what is best and will work it out.  if we want our way we not only spoil the plan but in gaining, we lose.

There is nothing better to calm our spirits and keep us on the way of duty (when we are tempted to an indirect course for our own relief) than to hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

-Arthur Matthews

 

On second thought, ignore this letter. Tear it up and pitch it. The road you’re on is the one marked out for you and it’s a good one. No matter which way you go, it’s a train wreck that God puts back together his way. I don’t want you to miss a thing.

Your friend,

Gary

 

these quotes bear a weight to me within their context.  the first, from Arthur and Wilde Matthews.  in January of 1951 the China Inland Mission had given the call for all of their missionaries to evacuate communist China.  for two years Arthur and Wilde and their little girl Lilah were ‘held by the cold and cruel elements of the Red Regime which deliberately tried to starve them.”    -from Green Leaf in Drought by Isobel Kuhn

the second is from Gary Morland.  it’s from a letter he wrote to his teenage self.  He has also written an ebook;

I drank three quarts of beer a day for fourteen years. From Beer to Eternity awakens hope for anyone who has experienced discouragement and loss of faith because of an addiction (your own or others).

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today, i am alone in my house.  and there is quiet and time to sit with my fears.  there is time to cry before the One who knows everything.  the truth is, i am afraid of the changes before us.  i’ve had lots to ponder over the last few weeks.  to introspect at what really it means to live a life that has been blessed by the Lord.  to take to Him my wants; be it a new floor in my kitchen or a daughter who does not lose herself in the presence of others.

we’ve had all these school decisions to make.  and we have multiple graduations to attend this weekend of young ones that we love dearly and want for them too to not lose themselves in the presence of others.   want for them to know the depths to which they have been loved by the One who knows everything.

 i sit here and i know how powerless i really am.  i know full well the train wreck that lies in wait to suck the life out of the ones i love.  i want to avoid the wreck, not learn how to deal with the wreck in a whole and healthy way.

in my parenting, i want there to not be stuff.  rather, what i have instead is the call to deal with the stuff that there is in a whole and healthy way.

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when i mention the high school that my oldest has chosen to a friend the gasp is audible.  it’s a big school.  it is public.  it is full of knuckleheads.  she might just lose her way.  she might.

right now she is at a very small school.  it’s technically public, but it’s a charter school and appears ‘safer’ to the onlookers.  but sometimes i fear she’s lost her way already.

the God of the Universe, who placed the stars in their places.  Who set the Earth precisely where it must be for life.  it is truly wonderful to know that He does in fact have the blueprint and is following it to the dot.  to know that though we all may have completely lost our way and it just may be a train wreck-He will put it all back together in His way.  and so in losing we will gain.

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que the hymn….
be still my soul
the Lord is on Thy side
bear patiently the cross of greif or pain
leave to thy God
to order and provide
through every change
He faithful will remain.

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i did spend a couple of days pondering over what a life blessed by God really looks like.  and these are a few things that i discovered in my studies:

is comforted
inherits the earth
is filled
is shown mercy
sees God
is called a son of God
possesses a great reward in heaven.
is forgiven
has his sins covered, his sin the Lord will never count against him
has a hope that does not disappoint because
                and only because
                   God has poured out His love into our hearts
                      by the Holy spirit, whom He has given us.

this God who blesses in this way; He is the God who knows everything.  He is the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

in my powerlessness-my soul is stilled.

He faithful will remain.

 

to draw further in:  Matthew 5; Romans 4 and 5

on leadership

dandilion

One of my volunteers standing in the kitchen says to me;

“shall i put the strawberries in the fridge?”

“uh….sure?”

And i walk away shaking my head at the both of us.  If she thinks the strawberries should go in the fridge, then just put them there-why ask me for permission?  And me?  Why when the question comes my way do i find myself stuck completely unsure of the answer?  It’s the simplest question ever.  But, of course.  i must begin thinking about how i just discovered that tomatoes are better if not refrigerated…hmm…is that true about strawberries?  i don’t know.  What. In. the. World. Is. Wrong. With. Me? Just pick an answer-yes or no-it doesn’t matter! It’s just strawberries for crying out loud!

There are bigger decisions to make this week and bigger areas of leadership than the strawberries.  And i seem to fumble along the same in all the scenarios. It’s all a bit much.

Driving home i ponder who’s brilliant idea it was anyway to put me in charge.

Oh yeah
It was Him-the One who names the stars.

if you are obeying only when it makes sense, you’re refusing to admit the wisdom differential between you and God.  That’s not obedience, that’s agreement. -Gary Glover

When i’m asking Him to make sense of the assignment, i want to both understand the wisdom in it and see tangible fruit in the outcome.  To get to really see that it ‘worked!’

And this is a joy-sucker

Because there are way too many variables in life to insure or predict outcomes of anything.

And if my satisfaction and joy come solely from results?  Than the lack there-of will suck the joy right away.  And if results happen?  Then my joy will be resting on shaky ground.

And as to making sense of the assignment?  That for me often means agreeing that i am the one for the job.  and if i lose sight of my dependence, then my joy will be resting on shaky ground.

And anyway, the words the Lord continues to whisper to me day in and day out are these:

You don’t know. You don’t need to know.

He’s not asking me for agreement; He’s asking me for obedience….He’s asking me to Trust. Him.

becuse this Trust of Him
is a link to Joy.
To the Joy of simply having obeyed.

How?

It boils down to that whole wisdom differential-
trust of the One who does really know everything.
trust rested on the solid ground of Who God Is and What He has Promised.

For He who promised is Faithful.

And that’s really all i need to know.

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