and so she woke up
woke up from where she was
said i gotta do something
about where we’re going.
been running again.
december 26th found us at our local rec center purchasing the family pass.
december 26th also found us beginning what would be our new daily routine. everyone goes, like it or not.
Children tie the mother’s feet, the Tamils say….We knew we could not be too careful of our children’s earliest years. So we let our feet be tied for love of Him whose feet were pierced.
she’s leaving, my beloved oldest girl. for 3 months overseas. knowing this time would come….should come, i set aside some things to have more time her last semester of high school.
the end of this season begins in 2 days. changes ahead for sure-changes in her, changes in us here back at home.
i’ve fielded lots of questions about how i’m feeling.
everyone has been home for Christmas break-boys went back to school only this week. and the days have been filled with holiday engagements, those trips to the gym, errands upon errands to help our girl prepare for this trip.
so i let my feet be tied.
every time i run my mind writes. the trouble is that putting pen to paper is impossible while running. so i make cryptic notes in my phone. there are 16 ideas there fleshed out a bit while my heart rate beats fast, recorded in hope that an hour or two will one day come to craft an essay or two that matters.
it’s 30 minutes of untied feet.
something else is happening in this running.
peace, clarity, perspective. right there in the crowded gym, this one who spends so much time in her head is able to release a bit.
which ushers in a stillness. a connection with the One acquainted with all the ways i’m feeling.
and my gaze shifts up. as my thoughts tumble out there is room for Him to speak.
how am i feeling?
well, it’s hard to say really. overwhelmed with all there is to do. carrying a sense of urgency to make the most of this time. tired from the early morning routine yanking us away from the restfulness of slow days. amazed and delighted at who my daughter has become and is becoming. excited for this gift the Lord is handing her. aware of and grieving my daily failures; the little ones like handing my son a still frozen breakfast sandwich…in the car…on the way to school. it’s ok mom, he says, and attempts to eat it anyway. and the big ones that leave me in tears for hours when i should be sleeping. cause sometimes repentance is a long process. wondering what the latest letter home from my oldest’s school means. apologizing to my younger boy again that his violin string broke because of my idea, sorry son, maybe you won’t play any G notes today???? discussing late into the night with my man about whether we should replace our windows, how the budget shaped over the course of last year, and how we feel about where we’re all going. which is what led to the daily visits to the rec center.
these are the laces tying up my days.
but there is also the running.
singing ha, ah la la la de day…
ha la la la de day
ha la la de day
she’s running to stand still
so, friend, what is it that quiets your head and heart? may you persevere in the finding of it, the executing of it, the embracing of it. and in the process, the finding of Him, the embracing of Him, the being stilled by Him.
I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever. To all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth. …Blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! They walk, O LORD in the light of Your countenance. psalm 89:1, 15