"I am guiding you on the way of wisdom and I am leading you on the right path." Proverbs 4:11

Category: hope (page 1 of 5)

covid-19 journal: Fear

on the tail end of some very full weeks, while the world is in its beginning stages of talk of this covid virus, we find ourselves seeking rest and refreshment in the mountains during our planned spring break. 

mere days before we loaded up our truck and headed for the hills we learned of beginning measures against a new and unknown threat- canceling school an extra week, canceling church services and gatherings of more than 100.  our trek to the mountains is to our own cabin, so we keep our plans.  for now, we will rest.

and for the first few days it is great rest.  we talk a little about the unknown virus, about adjustments of school and wondering what that all means, but we don’t feel anxious or afraid about any of it.

not because we are such faithful people who never are afraid.  mostly because the adjustments at this point really aren’t so bad. an extra week off of school and delayed start to baseball season?  ok, we can handle that. 

and so we build puzzles and play catan and read books by the fire.

and then the clouds roll in.  this is Colorado in the spring-our snowiest season.  this particular storm brings 12-16” of snow.  the sun covers herself in a blanket of cloud and fog envelops the cabin.  our truck is stuck in the deep drifts.  our solar panels are out there unseen and alone-unable to bring us power from a hidden sun.

this is when the fear; real, physical and tangible, sets in.  awakening in a cold cold cabin, wondering-will we run out of firewood?  will we run out of food or water?  are we really prepared for as long as this will take? 

it is all completely out of our control.  the storm could pass in a day or 2 and we will be fine.  or it could linger longer than we knew to plan for. 

the boys, however, are delighted.  they bundle up and spend hours upon days building sledding paths, tobogganing, sledding, snowboarding.  they come in for food and then head back out.  they declare these are the best days ever!  they have no idea of the worries we carry-the work to keep the fire fed, the power consumption low, conserve the water.  they have no thought that there is anything amiss-even when we explain the need for good stewardship of our resources-they shrug in agreement, cease in leaving the door open letting out the heat, and return to their play.

as I watch their freedom in the midst of the storm i’m struck with their utter trust in my husband and i to be capable of taking care of things and keeping them safe. 

wrapped in that cloud, deep calls unto deep as the Spirit directs His whisper to my pounding heart;

where is my trust in the actual One who is capable?  The One who has control over the sun and wind and waves?  Can i, in the unknown days ahead, entrust myself to His capable hands? will i be mindful of not leaving the doors open, yet with a heart at peace and free to experience the joy still available in the storm?

the pounding subsides, i turn and bank up the fire, receiving the peace His correction ushers in.

i see exhortation for what it is. an invitation to walk these days ahead, wise and mindful yes, but with peace and childlike trust in the One who numbers my days and is with me in the storm.

may the One who knows our bents, enable us to trust in Him one step, one storm, at a time.

powerless

the stack of cards is high, the needs heavy. it’s so real right now how powerless we are, both with the lives of those we love and our ability to trust thru it.

cancer, attempted suicide, tragic car accidents, death, surgeries, mysterious illnesses. all these represented in the stack of cards ready to be written and sent out.

what do you say to a mother who lost her son to suicide? what do you say to a mother waiting on her daughter to wake after a tragic car accident? to one wondering how to tell her kids she might be dying?

~~~~***~~~~

as i wept and lamented before the One who keeps track of the stars the knock came interrupting. the people on the other side asking what did i know about God’s kingdom?

not to get off topic about those who knock on doors asking what people know about God’s kingdom-but to look a weeping woman in the eye and continue with your planned pitch is infuriating. Jesus would not be pleased is all i’m saying.

in our powerlessness, in our loss for words, in our questioning and carrying burdens too heavy for our small muscles; this is what i know about God’s kingdom:

Jesus wept.

Jesus overcame.

Jesus keeps track of the stars-they are named.

we are more important to Him than the stars.

Jesus will not faint.

He will not grow weary.

Jesus welcomes our tears, our fists pounding on His chest, our weeping. He holds us with a steadfastness that we can hardly fathom.

Jesus gives strength.

He has the power to answer.

Jesus will help His people.

He never lets go.

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are You so far from my deliverance
and from my words of groaning?
My God, I cry by day, but You do not answer,
by night, yet I have no rest.
But You are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
But You, Lord, don’t be far away.
My strength, come quickly to help me.

Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us hold onto Grace.



To draw further in: Psalm 22; Hebrews 12 and 13

#10yearchallenge

seeing this #10yearchallenge come up around the interwebs got me to thinking back. where was i 10 years ago? how old were my kids? what were we in the midst of?

~~~**~~~

man, that was a rough time

  • an investment that had gone south, ushering in a financial mess
  • early stages of journeying with children w/ sensory needs, needing OT, ST, GT, HT, ET*
  • feeling alone navigating a new way of living

all with 10 years younger kids (3, 5, 9) and self (36)

man, it was a rough time

~~~**~~~

however, from this place of looking back, i have a different view of it all:

all the fissures and gaping wounds, places of seemingly deprivation, lack, and impossible circumstances the 10 years ago me faced;
have been the very vessels
of opening my heart to joy
and equipping us to navigate life with less fear.

with this new perspective, there are some things i would tell my 10 years ago self:

  •  don’t fight so hard to hold onto the things being taken
  • trust your God, trust yourself and the way He’s leading
  • don’t be afraid to embrace where He has you and how He leads you tho no one else understands it, believes it, supports it.
  • hang in there, help is on its way: a new OT, a new church, a title-1 public school.
  • enjoy walking to the library-even if your children are the only ones who can enjoy it too.
  • In 10 years you will snap a photo and not realize in the foreground is the very location so much came literally crashing down, but you’ll have forgotten that having been captivated by the beauty of the fog.  (see above)

it’s true, He makes beautiful things out of ruin…out of perceived ruin

~~~**~~~

this has me thinking about story.  the story we attempt to write for our lives, for our children’s lives.  i think we’ve bought into a false representation about what makes a good story.  we think having enough money, time, friends, and a little extra for travel makes for a good life.  what really is good?  when i look back, i see how Jesus has redefined that in me.  and as is so many things in HIs Kingdom, it is the opposite of what my upbringing and culture declare.

one last thing i would tell that 36 year old;

all those who seem to be against you?  who seem to misunderstand you, who think you’ve lost your mind to live as you do?
they aren’t against you. they want good things for you.  it’s just a different definition of good than the One who knows you best and loves you most.

The Author and Perfector of your faith,

it is He who writes the best stories

and He who holds you in the palm of His hand

it’s true, He makes beautiful things out of ruin….out of perceived ruin.

but He knows the way that i take
when He has tested me, i will come forth as gold


 

*speech therapy, occupational therapy, gymnastice therapy, horse therapy, basically everything therapy

to draw further in; job 23:10 (quoted above), isaiah 35; isaiah 30:15-18; luke 1:46-55

insecure

come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest…

we are standing on the shore, my boy and i.  watching his brother and dad out in the water….struggling, struggling, struggling.  time has slowed and we fear help will not come in time.

we are staring death in the face and it is terrifying.

we are powerless.

some teenagers in their fishing boat arrive first.  then the firemen, paramedics, rescue/dive team.   they carry my youngest boy onto the stretcher and into the ambulance, then my husband.  Their bodies so weakened by hypothermia, they are  shaking shaking, my boy looses consciousness, then comes back talking gibberish, crying out in pain.  my older boy and i, we watch, we speak strengthening words to them, we pray.  we make decisions-will we ride in the ambulance with them or follow in the car?  which hospital?

we are all well cared for, the doctors do their jobs.  the boys all begin to recover, both the ones in the water and the one standing powerless on the shore.

after a few days, when everyone is back to school and work, i sit in the quiet….

….and wail.

men are not angered by mere misfortune but by misfortune conceived as injury.  and the sense of injury depends on the feeling that a legitimate claim has been denied.  the more claims on life, therefore, that your patient can be induced to make, the more often he will feel injured…

screwtape to wormwood -cs lewis

it is not strange these painful things that happen.  i know, i know.  the injury on this particular day was pointed, specific, cutting deep into a desire and felt legitimate claim.

and so i lament.

lament would provide a bridge back to the safe presence of God….only someone engaged in life can lament.

a sacred sorrow -michael card

gravity is a law of nature, a reality of life.  it cannot be thwarted, controlled, denied.

i am lamenting many things, but the main thing is; the absence of security.  like the presence of gravity exists, so does the absence of security.  i have no power or control over the outcome of a planned day.  i cannot lay claim to any expectation of smooth waters, joy-filled experiences, or long days with the ones i love.  in an instant it all can be taken.  all. of. it.

+++

for the past 3 years i’ve been memorizing Romans chapter 8.  it’s taking a long time.

i think i’m reciting to myself to help get thru these days following tragedy, where the rug has been pulled out from under me and i’ve discovered there is no floor.  i think i’m behind because it’s taking so many years to memorize this one chapter.  i think lots of things that are merely a shadow of the reality of a God that is near.

…hope that is seen is no hope at all.  who hopes for what he already has?  but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

i weep and wail at these words.  i confess that i no longer know how to pray.  standing on that shore, i cried for help only, reasoning that my boy and husband in heaven with their savior was to their gain and my loss.  wondering how to move forward with a heart of flesh instead of stone.  knowing that i can plan and dream and create, but i cannot control and am given no guarantee that fun or rest or simple monotony will follow.  i am promised trouble, and joy.  i don’t know how to expect both.  i don’t know how to pray.

…in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express…

Michael Card is on to something.  as i lament, as i weep and wail and honestly express all the things i’m thinking and feeling, the One who translates it all crosses over the bridge and engulfs me with His very safe presence.

Young gives the meaning of rest as “rest again, cease from, rest thoroughly.”  Rest again is the word for today.  We are not promised smooth roads, but rough.  When things are smooth we should look up in delight and thanksgiving, thinking of them as breathing spaces rather than as the normal condition of things. Rough roads make it certain that we shall often come to our Lord for rest.   Our dear Lord will never be surprised by our frequent coming.  He will never tire of resting us, and in the rest He gives His strength.  His invitation stands sure:  Come unto Me and I will give you rest, rest again.

-Amy Carmichael

He is in me.  He is for me.  He is with me.  He is my hope.  it is enough.


to draw further in:  a playlist for times of lament.  Stars by Skillet.  Never let go by David Crowder.  Fierce by Jesus Culture.  I won’t let you go by Switchfoot.  It is well by Bethel Music.

pondering with Mary

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And coming to her, the angel said, “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.”  But she was greatly perplexed at what he said, and kept carefully considering what kind of greeting this was….The angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.

Highly favored, that’s what the angel told her; she had found favor with God.

“While they were [in Bethlehem] the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.  She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.”

i’ve been pondering Gabriel’s words, coupled with all that lie ahead for Mary; all the loneliness, the misunderstandings, the rejections…. it would have been a long and exhausting 9 months.  then they arrive in Bethlehem to discover no room for them.  As Mary set up camp in that barn, did she grumble and stomp;

is this the way the Lord favors?

how many days did they stay there before the ‘time came for the baby to be born?’  a week, two?  uncomfortable and very pregnant, was she able to sleep?  did she snap at Joseph-had he tried-really tried- to find them somewhere else to stay?  the baby would be coming soon-were they to have him here?  Had God completely abandoned them?  were they so very alone?

He was despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and pain and acquainted with grief; And like One from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or esteem Him.

as the ones chosen to carry this Savior to term, to then love and parent him….did Mary and Joseph bear this same fate?

as a follower of this Savior-as one in whom He dwells….is this my story too?  when loneliness, fatigue and rejection set in, when the condition of my home is frustrating me, when the contrasts of this world seem to weigh heavier on the dark side…. will i grumble and stomp;

it this what it means to be highly favored?

nativity2

And if we are His children, then we are His heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ [sharing His spiritual blessing and inheritance], if indeed we share in His suffering so that we may also share in His glory.

maybe for Mary, when she began to set up camp in that barn it went this way instead;

huh…this is not what i thought it’d be like in Bethlehem.  thank you Joseph for trying your best to make my bed of hay comfortable.  the baby will be coming soon.  let us pray for the strength we need.  Gabriel said i am highly favored.  God will be present here.  He will provide help.  we are not alone.

 

maybe for me too,  setting up camp in this life, it can go this way instead:  “He has said he is enthralled with my beauty, He keeps track of the stars, He dearly loves me.  God will be present here.  He will provide help.  i am not alone.

For I consider [from the standpoint of faith] that the sufferings of the present life are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us!

 

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Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth Peace to men
on whom His favor rests

May you experience His assurance of His delight and deep deep love for you this Christmas season.  


To draw further in: Luke 1:28-38; Luke 2; Romans 8: 17-18 amp; Philippians 3:9-11; Isaiah 53:3; Isaiah 9:6; Psalm 45:11

 

a study in contrasts

children-supergirl

the pictures scroll through randomly as my screen saver.  a boy with a stick and a tire amongst the red dirt of Uganda.  my two boys hugging tigger at disney world.  snow on mountain peaks.  the sunrise over the train tracks near my house.  it stops me sometimes as i walk past-these are all photos taken by me, grouped randomly by my computer-a study in the contrasts of my existence.

+++

i sat to think about the intensity of the last 24 hours.  pausing for quiet, to recover, to be restored, redeemed.  my mind moves back a day, back a day, back a day.  the intensity of the last month….year….5 years….

i breath.  in.  out.  pray prayers without words.

“if you are tired, learn to rest, not to quit.”

+++

Alleppo has fallen

refugees are making sleeping bags for refugees. 

the grey house with the green door on the corner of 7th boasts flashing lights “porn!” “Live girls”  a marajuana leaf, a car missing it’s window

my neighbor is remodeling.
her house looks beautiful,
i so appreciate it’s beauty.

one of my neighbors’ house caught fire on election night.
it was in the attic.  now there are keep out posters on the doors
due to asbestos

i stood and watched the firemen do their thing.
with smoke pouring in next door, a neighbor steps away
to close her windows
and get a cup of cold water for the one who was in the house
when it caught fire

this little house of ours is overflowing with art projects,
christmas projects, school papers, children fighting,
a broken dryer, piles of dishes,

 the heat and plumbing are working,
children are also laughing,
scheming surprises for one another.
christmas lights will soon shine their joy
into the dark of night.

one minute i lament,

the next i praise

+++

i’ve been praying,
and these are what my prayers look like;
dear god
i come from two countries
one is thirsty
the other is on fire
both need water

.later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere

-Warsan Shire

+++

i’ve been praying too.
prayers that look messy
full of stuttering, absent of many words.

i walk through these days
gazing at the world travelers
i whisper
where is the beauty?

worldsbeauty

they answer

everywhere
everywhere
everywhere


instagram: fingerprintofgod; theexodusroad; natgeo; solehope; tiinautti;theexodusroad;
there are many more expressions of beauty i’ve found on instagram.  my list is  here.

to draw further in: Isaiah 40, 58; Psalm 91, Romans 8, Matthew 4:12-17; O Come O Come Immanuel

remembering while we wait

christmaslights

we are waiting…
we have not forgotten.

-Christmas Canon

it’s been cold these last couple weeks.  following an unseasonably warm fall, we’ve leaped off a cliff from 60 degrees down to 2.  wind whips while this mother and her son run across the parking lot dashing into the warmth of the auditorium.  shortly i’ll watch my boy dutifully put on his band concert-yawning and looking around as his stick keeps time on the cymbal.  he’s frustrated and bummed that his favorite teacher of all time took another job this year, leaving him behind to yawn his way through with one who yells at him if he attempts to jazz things up a bit.   “maybe things will be better next year in high school,” i offer-the only consolation i can think of-wondering if it sounds as lame to him as it does to me?

~~~~

she turns the  6 month chip around and around between thumb and finger, “i don’t understand why i would be tempted now?  i KNOW there is no life there, so why these urges to use again?”  this friend of hers fumbles through a prayer, hoping beyond hope that the One who hears will tend His little lamb as the Shepherd that He is.

~~~~

one of them sits comfortable and warm, in her fancy house with her fancy car and faithful servants to come and care for her child and clean her house.  another sits in a church, homeless and alone, but a warm bed and a home cooked meal greet her each evening as she and her toddler enter.  their lives seem so vastly different…..yet so very much the same. they battle their guilt and shame, deflecting off on to any inanimate object, seeking absolution from a statue made of wood.  her mind says it’s working, but her heart knows no release from the misery of living under shame’s heavy hand.  i wonder if there is any hope?  the only remedy i have to offer is left behind with the dinner as they each leave their respective table.  “thank you for coming.” says one as i gather my coat.  “thank you for giving me a comfortable place to rest.” says the other as i make the rounds to lock up for the night. tonight one will lay her head on an air mattress, the other a feather pillow.  tonight both will sleep with their souls crushed under a weight they cannot lift.

~~~~

type, delete, type delete.  i struggle to pray.  struggle to find words.  my tounge feels tied.  fatigue weighs heavy, thoughts swim around and around and around.  i had words yesterday when worship overwhelmed me.  i come faithfully to meet with the Object of yesterday’s worship, to draw on His strength, to find my words again.  just as i cannot force Him to appear in a way that i can grab hold of, so i cannot force words to flow in a way i can grab hold of either.  this advent i longed to offer more here.  but this is all i’ve got.

~~~~

we are all waiting.  my boy who is finding the class he used to love the most to be the one he likes the least.  my friend longing for the day when the urge to use is truly forever gone, never to catch her off guard again.  the two ladies i shared separate meals with, one homeless, the other affluent, both needing release from themselves.  and me, fighting for words to come, waiting for them to flow when i am able to receive them, pin them down, and share them here.  we are all waiting…..

rejoice! rejoice!
Immanuel
will come to you
o Israel.

in the wait…..i

have

not forgotten.

hope for the unsuccessful

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it is a difficult thing to be entrusted with living breathing small humans, tasked with the job of guiding them into adulthood.  this morning after yet another rough dialog i find myself in a place of needing to do some work, of not having time to waste, and yet being so full of all the emotions that i can’t focus or move forward.  tears cloud my vision, discouragement and despair threaten to take over.  teenagers are complicated as are middle aged adult women (such as me).

i find it so easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees these days.

IMG_3403two weeks ago i prepared a training session for a group of women who lead school age students in bible study.  the remains of this session spill from my pile of papers. but of course, i sigh as i kneel down to pick them up.  providentially one of the papers catches hold of my tear-filled eye and i pay attention.

i’d given each group a piece of paper with a line down the middle and the words successful and unsuccessful at the top.  the instructions were to list off things that make them feel this way in their classrooms.  then i gave them a fill in the blank sheet to complete as i recited the following truths:

Looking to God’s purpose vs. a personal sense of success.

i…prefer things to go smoothly, and feel more comfortable when i’m in control.

God….often works through human weakness and failure, and invites me to yield to His control.

Being prepared and purposeful is important and necessary.  It is good and nice to have a classroom run smoothly….

yet…

The struggles i face do not represent failure, but opportunity for growth…and to see God do amazing things through an unlikely vessel such as myself.  it is more important that God is glorified than that i feel successful.

it is more important that God is glorified than that i feel successful.

True success is allowing God’s higher purposes to prevail.

in light of all of this…how will my inner dialog change?  how will my prayers change?

 

IMG_3545i prepared that lesson, i read those words out loud two weeks ago.  today it’s as if i’m seeing them for the first time.  choosing to reject the mocking of myself about that and instead letting them wash over me afresh, in this moment, after this particular argument, with this particular child.

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methods and mothers may fail (guilty and guilty)
children may falter and fail

God’s love never fails.
God’s higher purpose prevails.

 and that right there brings me such a depth of hope and a settled calm.  my inner dialog does change, and so do my prayers.

maybe you too?


to draw further in:  meditating on Matthew 11:25-30, Hebrews 2-4 and what it means to make every effort to enter into the Rest/Easy Yoke of Jesus.

 

a feeble fasting

 

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i pray for victory and it comes in the form of sheets on my couch instead of admittance into a facility staffed with skilled folks.  believing instead that the enemy still has the upper hand in the life of one who longs to be free from his grip, the 5 of us make space in an already tight and cramped home.  we spend the mornings on the back porch with tea and cigarettes.  she sees me on the floor scrubbing the bathroom, she excuses herself when words are tense between a parent and teen.  she joins us in gut laughter at the dinner table over some joke a middle school boy tells.  she wakes to this same boy fixing her tea and toast while his parents are at their early morning bible study.  this is our junk and our joy.  and victory from the One who knows her frame looked like sending her to spend 3 weeks with us, regardless of what i believed.

pain and heart longings were often the topics of our back porch discussions and today as i sit for the first time alone back there, i find myself missing the morning moments of clarity and healing that my Victorious King brought to my doubting and hurting heart through our discussions.  i miss being a witness to an enemy who is ruthless and a Mighty God who never lets go, never lets go, never lets go.

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there was a day early in februray that marked the beginning of lent;  that season of fasting.  i had spent time pondering what, if anything, i’d give up.  but then a phone call and i forgot all about it as life took it’s own turns and bends and shape.

is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter?

a call to love and be a hope bearer from the One who promises those who hope in Him will not be disappointed. except that i am prone to disappointment, discouragement and such doubt.  it grieves me so to admit it.  i need His help to overcome my unbelief every. single. day.

i wrestled hard in prayer for this one sleeping on my couch, prayers yes for the Lord to have victory, but cries too that i would believe and not doubt that it was so.  that i would carry hope instead of the real hopelessness that i actually felt.  and one day she says to me; “you gave me hope.  when i didn’t have any hope in myself, you did.”

then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the LORD will answer, you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I.

the journey for both of us is long and there is no guarantee it will ‘all turn out ok’ as we might think.  but there is a God in Heaven and He gives hope to a weary one through a doubting one.  Who is a God like our God?  able to do the miraculous on a dry and splintery back porch?

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and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

i never understood this verse before.  but today i see, the only reason hope does not disappoint is because of the Holy Spirit-He does His work through us who are all weakness.

The Strength of our hearts will do His work through us who are all weakness.

take heart, I have overcome.  I am the Root, and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.  Yes I am coming soon.

amen. come Lord Jesus.  and may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  and when your trust waivers?  may He strengthen your frame and satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land.


to draw further in:  Isaiah 58, John 16:33; 1 John 5:4-5; Romans 5, 15:13, Revelation 12:11; 15:3-4; 22

hope for the hopeless

dener rescue mission

about an hours drive from here there is a place that offers hope and healing for those facing homelessness and addiction.  their newsletters remind me of the possibility, remind me that Jesus Saves.  i need to be reminded….often.

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in the morning light the sky is grey and cloudy, my little city full of contrasts.  the deep red of the train car and the yellow lights of the mini school bus stand against the snow that has become grey and black.  the colors of the houses seem muted with the grey empty trees that tower above them.  but as i drive further out towards my son’s middle school i get a glimpse of the mountains.  those mountains have ministered to my heavy heart before and today is no different.  the entire mountain is shadowed and deep blue…but the snow-capped peaks are glowing.  somehow the sun is breaking through the clouds just enough to shine on those peaks.  my son’s school is only 2 miles from our house which sits right in the middle of town,  yet from that vantage point 2 miles out i can see those sun kissed peaks.

my heart is heavy today over someone i have grown to love caught in the web of addiction and homelessness.  the small hope from last night has been crushed under the weight of the phone call this morning.  getting a glimpse of those peaks as my son and i wait our turn in the drop off line causes me to catch my breath and  i quickly call out ‘l love you, have a good day’ as the tears begin their release.  half of me has been listening and engaged as i make the pb&j and get my kids out the door, the other half has been in the depths of prayers reminding myself and my God of His sole Ability and Power.

but truth be told, my heart is full of doubts and hopelessness.  i begin to listen to the wondering if Jesus is able to save, if He is able to rescue, if hope is even possible?  as i drive back home, those peaks begin to be hidden behind the tall ancient trees,  i catch glimpses of them only because i now know to look.  but by the time i reach home, they are completely hidden from my view.  This world is grey and dark, shadows of addiction and sin and a myriad of problems we all know so well hover.  but somewhere the Sun is shining on the mountain peaks.  whether i can see it or not.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.

Because of His great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.


 

to draw further in:  Isaiah 40:26; Romans 7:21-8:39; 2 Peter 3:9; Revelation 12:10-11; all the ‘To Him who is Able…” verses.

 

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