Apologies to anyone who has visited this page hoping for updates. I did not have access to consistent internet (with rain often came power outages) and caught the flu upon my return home.
One of the themes for me from this trip that I am carrying with me is all the intangibles – those I brought to the people of Boneza and those they in return gave to me. The moments of encouragement, the newly discovered way of understanding scripture, the broadened perspectives, the opportunity to share ones story with a good listener and fellow sojourner, songs of worship and truth, contagious and transcendent joy, just to name a few!
We visited a couple microfinance groups. It was a gift to connect with women who had come to the conference within their everyday and also to see the ways they are supporting their families. When sharing what their income is providing (food, school fees, goats, etc…) my favorite was from the women who used her recent earnings to purchase a door for her home. It was also quite convicting to witness the beautiful and practical things they were making with recycled materials – things I would simply throw away. Basket weaving requires strong hands and skilled fingers along with the artistry to foresee patterns and choose colors. Watching them work was impressive!
There are many more photos and stories to share, I would love to meet for tea and a good chat with anyone who would like to hear more, just let me know!
Additionally, click here for a fun team video from our trip.
When i was in Uganda ten+years ago, i remember being perplexed by the very distinct dance moves the children had. One evening as we were gathered in the common area for music and fun, i asked my friend and host about some harsh treatment i’d witnessed earlier in the preschool from one of the teachers towards a couple of students. She shared with me that those students were from a different tribe than the teacher, that they were working on the issues of prejudice but still had a ways to go. “How does she know what tribe those students are from?” I asked, “They came here as infants.” ”
“Look at them dancing – see how some move their shoulders more, others their feet or hips?” she replied, “each tribe has distinct moves among other distinctions. they can tell.”
My daughter shared with me recently something her pastor had mentioned regarding marriage, the joining of two people from two different families.
“it’s like each family has their own dance moves. now that you are together, you are developing your own unique set from the combo of both. when you go back to visit – you remember the moves you were raised with, and can fall in step at times. At other times you find you stick with your new moves cultivated with the new rhythms of your marriage.”
Pastoral Outreach is one of the programs at Arise Rwanda Ministries. While there, jeremy and i may be called upon to help with a training happening at the time for the Pastor’s and their wives. So we are preparing just in case. The trick is, that we don’t know what their needs are. We don’t know what their questions might be, what unique challenges they face. Most of all, we don’t know the dance of a Rwandan.
In our preparation meetings we have spent a bit of time learning about cultural intelligence along with the differences between Individualism and Collectivism societies. if you hadn’t guessed, we come from an Individualistic society. Rwanda functions as a Collectivism society. Like the dance analogy, it’s not that one is better than the other, just that they are different. Each has good and bad components to them.
This adds another layer to the stretching this preparation has been. There is so much we just don’t know – and so we must depend on the One Whose Understanding is vast, and Whose Wisdom transcends cultures and countries. We will be trusting the Holy Spirit within us in a different way than we are used to.
We are praying that any materials we do prepare are in tune with the right Rhythm, and if not, that we have the wisdom to throw it out and adjust to the need of the moment. How comforting it is to know that as God’s children, we do not go alone. He is with us, He knows the dance. He is a good good teacher. He’ll help us learn.
Life keeps plugging along while in the margins we do what preparation we can.
On the Resources page is listed books and videos we’ve watched/read in gaining an understanding of both Rwanda and serving others well.
We are walking into the unknown on many levels, but throughout this past month our God who keeps track of the stars has been reminding us of His presence, His attention, His kindness, and His care. We don’t fully know what to expect when our feet touch the red soil of Africa (or even if Rwanda’s soil is red like Uganda’s was when i was there in 2010). These reminders help sustain our Joy through the natural stress and fears that come from the unknown and un navigated before. We know the character of the God of the universe, we know He is near. He is our centre – and the centre will hold.
Our team recently met with Kaylee Gasangwa to learn from her and gained insight into how our perspectives impact our approaches and to hold them loosely, being willing to learn. This was illustrated that evening as we inquired about what types of things we could bring from the US that are difficult to get in country and are needed. Disposable sanitary napkins were requested for the high school. A number of us asked about bringing cloth instead. Wouldn’t that be better? Kaylee graciously explained that they had tried cloth, but found that without the resource of soap and ease of washing, cloth was not beneficial and disposable is actually better for their situation. We thought we knew what would be best, and taking the time to ask and then listen to the answer helped us to see details we didn’t realize.
Pray with us that the supplies we bring will be beneficial, and the things we plan to purchase in country are available as expected….or if not that we have the wisdom we need to pivot appropriately!
Thanks for following along with us on this adventure!
Sometimes in life, you are trucking along, head down, hand to the plow, when out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse that causes you to pause. To lift your head, take a look around and be drawn into curiosity for what lies outside your field of vision.
Jeremy and I have been trucking along at life, going to work, fixing the cars, doing our best to support our now adult kids as they endeavor to launch out into the world. Recently an invitation came along that caused us both to pause and draw into curiosity for what the Lord might be asking us to see. After weeks of prayer and late night discussion, many questions, many doubts, and tender assurances from our Good Shepherd, we are saying yes to an invitation to travel with a team from our church to Rwanda to serve with Arise Rwanda Ministries.
Rwanda is a small country in East Africa. It received national attention in 1994 when the country erupted into a civil war. This conflict between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes left close to a million people dead over the course of three months. This terrible genocide did untold damage to the people of Rwanda. Out of this tragedy came beautiful stories of forgiveness and reconciliation that are hard to fully understand. The country of Rwanda has taken great strides to heal and move forward after the genocide. Now it stands as a strong and beautiful country that has vowed to never allow this level of violence to happen again.
Our team will be working in the town of Boneza. This town of over 24,000 people is located in the western border of Rwanda right next to Lake Kivu. Boneza is one of the most disadvantaged places in Rwanda. We will be working with a Rwandan organization called Arise Rwanda. Arise Rwanda works to bring the love of Jesus Christ to the people of Boneza through education, clean water, and community development. You can see the amazing things that this ministry does on their website ariserwanda.org.
In Jeremy’s and my experience over the years of walking with the Lord, He typically leads us one step at a time, allowing His plan to unfold gradually rather than give us all the details and clear indications of where we are going, what we are doing, and how He is working. That is how we are being lead still. Knowing that the Lord is working in Rwanda and that He has invited us to join Him in that work for a couple of weeks in June. We would love to invite you along for the journey – beginning with praying for us now as we seek the Lord in all the details, work on the practicals like shots and travel arrangements, and prepare ourselves for what He will be asking us to do while there.
If you would like to pray for us, please pray that God would use our team to encourage our brothers and sisters in Rwanda, bring honor to Jesus’ name, and grow in us hearts that reflect our Creator’s. Pray for the people of Boneza and for the Gospel work God has for us to do.
If you would like to partner with us further, you can find all the details about the trip, specific prayer requests and opportunities to give towards our team at the button below:
*My hope is to post updates here on the blog with what we are learning as we prepare and then as I am able in country during our trip. If I have time to re-learn how to have posts e-mailed to you I will add that feature back in :0)
I grieve the losses small business in my town are taking
The life altering changes college students are facing
The doctors and nurses and grocery workers and the sacrifices
they are daily making
Yet
When the spring snow comes
And 2 boys make plans, calculating their school assignments
and class requirements. Fill me in on
the way the timing will work, the supplies they need, the adjustment to meals
they’d prefer (we want to work till dark, then we’ll come in and eat dinner, we’ll
start first thing in the morning and work on school at noon)
And they go out and build an igloo in this perfectly packable
8” of snow?
Oh the joy!
Had we been operating according to our regularly scheduled
programming, today would have looked more like a conversation in the car
wondering if the snow will still be there when the school day ended.
In Colorado, it hits like a train wreck, but clears away much
faster.
but we have been forced home, paving the way for today’s igloo building by 2 brothers soon to be leaving the nest. All the words about all the plans, the engineering decisions, the explanations; “wow zeke that’s brilliant!”, instead of mere imaginations of what could be if the sun could hide some of her strength, are actual reality!
And I wonder
After this is all over
Will we all return to the way things were? Will we have learned and grown more balanced? Will we value relationships over productivity? Will we understand the lifelong benefits of
bonding experiences? Will we be open to them when they come, willing to flex
and disappoint the powers that be for what really matters in the right
now?
These are the questions I ask myself. I lean towards duty bound,
loyalty, integrity and strong work ethic.
These things are valuable-essentials.
Yesterday morning was a duty morning of boys shoveling when they’d
rather be warm and still in bed. It’s
not an abandoning of that I’m questioning.
It’s walking in the nuanced balance of the Holy Spirit who gives strength
for the drudgery hard work, and courage for the invited play.
This virus has stretched us all, but when the rubber band snaps
back, will we take on our former form, or will our shape have changed from the stretching?
will I remember this day, and have the courage to cancel
school myself and allow these boys to stay home and play? The consequences would be steep-for one at
the community college and the other well into his high school NHS career.
Would a teacher at the high school have freedom to take the
students outside and have a lesson in igloo building because the materials have
fallen at his door and won’t last till tomorrow? Would that courageous decision
bear more impact than anything he does all year? Would those students remember that day and the
lessons they learned for the rest of their lives?
Could that be the new normal we aspire to? A new flexibility. Permission to be
human? Valuing the immense learning,
bonding, health in perceived play?
It’s hard to say, and is yet another thing out of my
control.
But what is in my control is today-to observe, to receive the joy in what has been given to us in the midst of the hard. to write it all down.
There is a lot of noise mulling around us during this pandemic -so much noise. there are some calling for repentance, still others calling that hateful, Love being the word for these days.
i struggle to understand the contrast.
Are not we guilty of so so many wrongs? wrongs done to our bodies, wrongs done to our
world, wrongs done to each other?
Yes, why yes we are. quite guilty.
Does God love us?
Yes, why yes He does. quite a lot in fact.
Why is it that while we know how much in this world is not as it ought to be, we are so easily offended by the proposal of repentance?
The real and actual truth is we can’t possibly know why this pandemic has come at this particular time in history. nor the tornadoes, the floods, the snow storms.
But we can allow the pandemic along with all the rest to make known to us what it can reveal.
And if we are willing to look head on, into what we are being invited to see-we can be changed. relationships can be healed. the earth can be healed. our hearts can be healed.
seeing…
the idols we’ve built up that are now crumbling can turn our hearts back towards the One who alone satisfies.
the places of safety we’ve depended on that are now whisps in the wind can turn our trust back to the One who is solid
the self-sustaining provisions we’ve prided ourselves with that have been ripped out of our hands can turn our identities back to the One who loves to be known through how He provides.
Our worlds of sports, entertainment, and education have been
completely upended.
Our blue collar workers, doctors, nurses, grocery store stockers, farmers, pharmacists-these are our new heroes….
….that is until we run out of toilet paper–we are a fickle people after all.
Our futures are completely uncertain, and we are faced with
having no control.
Jesus entered Jerusalem to the waving of palm branches. The shouts turned to crucify and all seemed lost. He exited Jerusalem in a resurrected body, turning the entire world upside down.
His message; “repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand.” -It means so
much more than one would think.
we are people who are prone to wander, who worship ourselves-again and again and again. But we can also be people who turn back, who repent, who remember to live in the strong and unshakable kingdom of God.
When times are good, and when times are horrible, this is the
Spriit’s whisper to us all;
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it….” The amplified says it this way; “In returning [to Me] and resting you will be saved….” echoing this call, Jesus invites: Come unto Me, and I will give you the rest you seek.
The invitation to repent: to turn back: to re-turn: to the
Only One who can satisfy all we hunger for-it is the most loving invitation we
will ever receive. We must release our
grip on temporary things-so our hands can be filled with what cannot be taken.
may we all embrace the repentance being personally called
forth from us and by it receive the very Life Jesus promises is available in
abundance. may the path of repentance
not turn us away, but draw us closer and closer to the One who is worthy.
But whatever former things were gains to me [as I thought then], these things [once regarded as advancements in merit] I have come to consider as loss [absolutely worthless] for the sake of Christ [and the purpose which He has given my life]. But more than that, I count everything as loss compared to the priceless privilege and supreme advantage of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord [and of growing more deeply and thoroughly acquainted with Him—a joy unequaled].
on the tail end of some very full weeks, while the world is
in its beginning stages of talk of this covid virus, we find ourselves seeking
rest and refreshment in the mountains during our planned spring break.
mere days before we loaded up our truck and headed for the
hills we learned of beginning measures against a new and unknown threat-
canceling school an extra week, canceling church services and gatherings of
more than 100. our trek to the mountains
is to our own cabin, so we keep our plans.
for now, we will rest.
and for the first few days it is great rest. we talk a little about the unknown virus,
about adjustments of school and wondering what that all means, but we don’t
feel anxious or afraid about any of it.
not because we are such faithful people who never are
afraid. mostly because the adjustments
at this point really aren’t so bad. an extra week off of school and delayed
start to baseball season? ok, we can
handle that.
and so we build puzzles and play catan and read books by the
fire.
and then the clouds roll in.
this is Colorado in the spring-our snowiest season. this particular storm brings 12-16” of
snow. the sun covers herself in a
blanket of cloud and fog envelops the cabin.
our truck is stuck in the deep drifts.
our solar panels are out there unseen and alone-unable to bring us power
from a hidden sun.
this is when the fear; real, physical and tangible, sets
in. awakening in a cold cold cabin,
wondering-will we run out of firewood? will
we run out of food or water? are we
really prepared for as long as this will take?
it is all completely out of our control. the storm could pass in a day or 2 and we
will be fine. or it could linger longer
than we knew to plan for.
the boys, however, are delighted. they bundle up and spend hours upon days
building sledding paths, tobogganing, sledding, snowboarding. they come in for food and then head back
out. they declare these are the best
days ever! they have no idea of the
worries we carry-the work to keep the fire fed, the power consumption low,
conserve the water. they have no thought
that there is anything amiss-even when we explain the need for good stewardship
of our resources-they shrug in agreement, cease in leaving the door open
letting out the heat, and return to their play.
as I watch their freedom in the midst of the storm i’m
struck with their utter trust in my husband and i to be capable of taking care
of things and keeping them safe.
wrapped in that cloud, deep calls unto deep as the Spirit directs
His whisper to my pounding heart;
where is my trust in the actual One who is capable? The One who has control over the sun and wind
and waves? Can i, in the unknown days
ahead, entrust myself to His capable hands? will i be mindful of not leaving
the doors open, yet with a heart at peace and free to experience the joy still
available in the storm?
the pounding subsides, i turn and bank up the fire, receiving
the peace His correction ushers in.
i see exhortation for what it is. an invitation to walk these days ahead, wise and mindful yes, but with peace and childlike trust in the One who numbers my days and is with me in the storm.
may the One who knows our bents, enable us to trust in Him one step, one storm, at a time.
feet hit the pavement keeping rhythm with the breath prayer of the day.
” i am my Beloved’s and His desire is for me”
“Abba, i belong to You”
“Jesus, You know”
“be still, He’s knows the stars by name”
“it’s not nothing”
there are certain muscles that continue to need conditioning, my heart and my core. i feel it as i wheeze easier than i should. i feel it as the pain shoots thru my lower back.
my heart muscle and my core are still far from strong.
exercise equals opposition-that’s how the muscles strengthen. i remind myself that this feeling of weakness is representative of the exercise working. if it is easy then nothing is growing.
seeds push thru the soil
muscles push against weight
back in january we gathered as a family to pray in the new decade. we are all in different seasons-one starting high school, one with a new license, one moving out of the teen years into the 20’s, and the two of us at the end of our 40’s. there was so much going around about decades-looking back and looking forward. we recognized big decisions ahead, vocational decisions, relationship decisions, decisions about what habits to kick and which ones to form.
there is a race marked out for us, a Captain to fix our eyes on, a cloud of witnesses surrounding us.
the vocation decisions are secondary to the race. as is the gym membership. it all filters thru what is helping me run my race. what is growing me deeper into love for my Savior and obedience to His command. what is breaking through the noise of the american culture, the rocky mountain culture, the familial culture.
excercise is necessary-opposing those heart and core muscles is essential if i want to see growth and lengthening of distance. the training is not my favorite and it takes such effort just to lace up the shoes and walk out the door.
so it goes with my soul
Everything God sends is necessary to train me:
My faith will never grow unless it’s tested.
My commitment will never grow unless it’s threatened.
My patience will never grow unless it’s taxed.
My compassion will never grow unless it’s tapped.
My courage will never grow unless it’s challenged.
the race has always been full of things to overcome. nothing is new under the sun, and the opportunities for breakthrough abound. laying aside entanglements and everything that hinders. committing to the practices and rhythms that bring the resistance needed for gained strength; fasting, feasting, prayer, scripture, community, solitude. openness to seeing weaknesses and entering into the things Jesus sends for targeted training.
step after step, feet hitting the pavement, prayers keeping rhythm with breath. strengthening my heart muscle, strengthening my core
the stack of cards is high, the needs heavy. it’s so real right now how powerless we are, both with the lives of those we love and our ability to trust thru it.
cancer, attempted suicide, tragic car accidents, death, surgeries, mysterious illnesses. all these represented in the stack of cards ready to be written and sent out.
what do you say to a mother who lost her son to suicide? what do you say to a mother waiting on her daughter to wake after a tragic car accident? to one wondering how to tell her kids she might be dying?
~~~~***~~~~
as i wept and lamented before the One who keeps track of the stars the knock came interrupting. the people on the other side asking what did i know about God’s kingdom?
not to get off topic about those who knock on doors asking what people know about God’s kingdom-but to look a weeping woman in the eye and continue with your planned pitch is infuriating. Jesus would not be pleased is all i’m saying.
in our powerlessness, in our loss for words, in our questioning and carrying burdens too heavy for our small muscles; this is what i know about God’s kingdom:
Jesus wept.
Jesus overcame.
Jesus keeps track of the stars-they are named.
we are more important to Him than the stars.
Jesus will not faint.
He will not grow weary.
Jesus welcomes our tears, our fists pounding on His chest, our weeping. He holds us with a steadfastness that we can hardly fathom.
Jesus gives strength.
He has the power to answer.
Jesus will help His people.
He never lets go.
My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from my deliverance and from my words of groaning? My God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, by night, yet I have no rest. But You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. But You, Lord, don’t be far away. My strength, come quickly to help me.
Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us hold onto Grace.
i have words and sit to write about the narrative running lately thru my mind, heart and days.
but when i come to the keyboard they vanish like birds chirping as they fly away; ‘catch me if you can’
this.
is the state of the blog.
i have been honestly questioning what wisdom there is in putting my journal out in the world rather than simply living among those in my real time and space.
and anyway, lately the journal has been a slow weave. thread upon thread cast onto the story line of my life, yet the shape of what is being made remains a mystery.
the daily obediences, the showing up to where the Lord has me, the not showing up to where the Lord is withholding, the constant wondering if i actually have all that backwords.
and then there is the practical side of being in a season where i am rarely, if ever, alone in my little house-even the writing of this post has met numerous interruptions. if i find myself resenting the life of the people sharing my roof, well is it worth it? if all i can do is start a thought and not finish it, should i even bother attempting to form words that anyone, besides the One who has searched me and knows me, could understand?
but there are some who have said they miss my words. and i have had a desire to commit to the practice of writing again. practice in the sense of a 6th grade violin player moving the bow on the C string again and again and again. then adding in the D for a time. eventually coming out into the kitchen to play for his mom hot cross buns.
i can’t say that i will publish the single notes from the daily writing practice. but the occasional hot cross buns may show up here from time to time.
below is today’s song……
________________________________________________
Evangelism
the snow falls gently. i glance up and out my window to the houses lined up like a row of sleeping children tucked away back when large families shared the same bed.
behind all those doors lie story upon story upon story.
there are names and portions i have come to know. griefs, longings, frustrations, joys, satisfactions, gratitudes.
but that is all. i know my neighbors, yes, but how much have i allowed them to know me? to know my story? to know Who has captured my heart?
~~~~***~~~~
this past weekend, i find myself intentionally seeking to share my heart deeply. it’s not the easiest as i’m socially awkward in large gatherings. i know not how to do the small talk. but dumping the depths of my inner dialog on unsuspecting friends and relatives results in lots of blank stares and people looking for a polite exit.
still, the state of the hearts of those i know matters to me. and i’m tired of just gathering together and acting like it doesn’t. so as i find myself in a rare opportunity to catch up with someone i’ve known longer than most anyone, we have enough time to move past the surface and into deeper waters. just as the moment arrives to dive in, an interruption; a child needing tended takes us off course and we never return. it could be another year before i even see this person again. and another five before real conversation takes place.
~~~~***~~~~
the failures of yesterday’s Sunday gathering pile up, one upon another upon another. cut to the heart, i feel the weight on my chest, heavy. daunting.
there was so much conforming to the patterns of this world, so much peer pressure, so much standing alone and shrinking back.
we can’t unsee what we’ve seen, can’t undo what we’ve done, can’t go back and do what we failed to do.
as i bow in repentance before the One in whom there is no condemnation my heart is still struck with the implications of my sin. we wrestle a bit, He and i. the cost of my forgiveness isn’t lost on me. nor is the cost of my sin.
He sends a bit of fire, coupled with the opportunity to demonstrate repentance before the ones my sin affected the most. “it won’t be wasted,” whispers the One who works all things for good, “remember-nothing ever is.”
~~~~***~~~~
question after question after question fuel the fire- acting as cleansing coals upon these unclean lips:
do i believe what Jesus says about hell? do i care? do i see those around me dying and long to ease their suffering? is He worthy? are they? will all this darkness stop the light from getting thru? is anyone able?
