she stands alone, on the outside looking in.  the crowd mingles as crowds do, like with like, familiar with familiar.

she catches a whisper deep within, carried on a tune.  a portion of a song heard ages ago:

i don’t belong here*

///

gathered around the table, there are people here who have hurt.  some wounds fresh, others long since scabbed over.

as the conversation grows uncomfortable, she catches the whisper again;

i don’t belong here*

aware of the choice; to connect or compare.  to focus on differences-of which there seem to be so many-a chasm that appears to widen over time.

or

zero in on where, in their shared humanity, they are the same.

she rehearses the latter; shared fears of loosing control, rejection, loneliness.  shared desires to be heard, listened to, loved.  to have significance, a place to belong.

a place to belong.

but i don’t belong here*

it’s painful this not belonging.  tho there is that shared humanity, the offer is one sided.  she knows this.  she might offer love and recieve in return hate.  she might offer listening and recieve in return invisiibility.

but the whisper of that song won’t leave.  in the quiet when alone, she searches it out.  and the One who gave it all for His enemies invites:

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don’t belong*

road and sky

a cross and a song

the implications seep into her consciousness.
she get’s it.  the cost.
she gets it.  the call
not just to show up, but show up exposed, vulnerable, offering herself as art.

really, who would do this?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor (fellow man) and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him]. For if you love [only] those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that?  And if you greet only your brothers [wishing them God’s blessing and peace], what more [than others] are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles [who do not know the Lord] do that? You, therefore, will be perfect [growing into spiritual maturity both in mind and character, actively integrating godly values into your daily life], as your heavenly Father is perfect.

there is so much to lose here.

but this one thing  she knows: her Faithful Father has never steared her wrong.  every place of obedience brings a harmony to the song that is her life that only could come in that particular way.

there is so much to gain.

it’s a place of fellowship with the One who bled and died.
a place of intimacy with the One who never grows tired or weary
a place of power from the One who raises the dead.
a place of growth in both mind and charactor.

This air feels strange to me
Feeling like a tragedy
I take a deep breath and close my eyes
…..
Storms on the wasteland
Dark clouds on the plains again
We were born into the fight
But I’m not sentimental
This skin and bones is a rental
And no one makes it out alive
….
I wanna see the earth start shaking
I wanna see a generation
Finally waking up inside
Until I die I’ll sing these songs
On the shores of Babylon
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong
Where the weak are finally strong
Where the righteous right the wrongs
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong
And on that final day I die
I want to hold my head up high
I want to tell you that I tried
To live here like a song
And when I reach the other side
I want to look you in the eye
And know that I’ve arrived
In a world where I belong
In a world where I belong**
for the joy set before me, Your Kingdom come.

To draw further in:  Matthew 5 (esp 43-48); Hebrews 12; (quoted above) Switchfoot’s: *Beautiful Letdown and **Where I Belong.