this has happened before, this ache.  i don’t know if homesick is the correct term.  i’ve not really any childhood home or roots that call me back.  but it’s this knawing longing to be near. it happened when my younger sister was pregnant with her first so very far away in vermont.  i was pregnant with my third in colorado and we delivered within a week of eachother.  i longed so desperately to be near her.  to share it all with her. 

but could do nothing about it.

now my youngest sister is pregnant.  and the knawing longing is there heavy today.  wishing there was some way to not be so far away.   and seeing no solution. 

and all of that is miraculous, really

for this one who worked so very hard to distance myself as far as i could from my family.  it was necessary for healing.  and the Lord met me there and rescued me unto Himself.

but they still await their rescue and know Him not. 

and they are still my dear sisters* and i do love them very much.  and i long for relationships that are closer. 

but i can do nothing about it.

even if i moved to be close to one, the other would be half-way across the country.   it seems all us girls worked hard to distance ourselves for a time.  and we all ended up spread out around this great nation of ours. 

but now, reconciliation has begun.  and the youngest moved back home near mom and dad.  but the rest of us are settled into our new locations and we have all worked to see each other from time to time for weddings and thanksgivings and Christmases.

but the way relationships can deepen with time spent together is not possible for us.

how can a family fractured and healing go much farther when we are so far apart?

but i can do nothing about it.

and how much healing can even happen when there is no bonding over the Only One who makes completely whole?

and i can do nothing about that either.

so what does one do in a time like this?  where longings are strong and there is no relief to be had of my own making?

take it to the One

the only One

who can do something about it.

and i will thank Him for whatever it is He does do.


*there is another sister-the oldest-not pictured.  there is still much work of healing needed for complete restoration of all 4 of us.  will it happen this side of heaven??  will it happen the other side of heaven??  only the Lord, the God of Israel who is Mighty to Save and who came for this very reason knows the answer to that question.