the tears drip down

i’m lost for words and how to process what i have seen today.

been taking a fellow to work this week.  after dropping my kids off at VBS, i’d head over to the hotel where he and his pregnant wife and 2 kids are living.

they have exhausted the resources of this city.  there are programs here.  they were in one. 

but sometimes a person’s brokenness keeps them from real help.

and so i drive.  there is always some fishing (for money) going on, but i am good and don’t bite.  this is love.  this is hard.  this is boundaries.  this is me in constant prayer seeking the Spirit who knows all things to tell me how to step left and right and dance this dance.

today it was driving pregnant mama and 2 kids and a couple of errands.  the conversations had been difficult, God had been faithful.  we drive in to the hotel.  there are many out of their rooms.  i look over and i see….

a man

carrying a woman

who is not breathing.

and i pull in and fumble for my phone to call 911 and wonder if i remember anything from cpr 25 + years ago.  the fire truck arrives quickly.  (before i need to find out about the cpr thing)

and i see. them. all.

i see the single mom of 4 who lives next to this family i know.

the family with the baby

the young girl

the tattooed man

the crowd gathered around

the fire dept, ambulance, police.

the darkness engulfing the entire place.

the woman breathing again taken

and the mom i know goes in her room, shuts the door,  and

i go home.


i go home.

and have to try to figure out how to parent these sinners here and nobody wants to clean their room

and i am the chief of them

but we have light.

we live in light.

and i can’t shake the vision of the darkness.

and i can’t stop weeping for them.

and asking why….why have i been given this gift of light.

and why won’t they take it?

and oh, that woman, the unnamed woman.  what brought her to the place of no breath in a run down hotel.

and You, the God who sees all things.  Who died for love of her, who has gone to great lengths for her, who continues to love her, how You must grieve.

this earth it is groaning.  i am groaning.

i have been studying the book of Colossians and so longed to write about all that i am learning.

but today, others are able to write and encourage and so instead i’ll just point to them.

for we all have need of endurance, and encouragement, and reminders of what is true. 


~Emily over at Chatting at the Sky and her post on what 100 lifeguards taught her about her calling.

~Jon Bloom’s guest post over at Ann Voskamp’s blog titled Don’t Give Up.

~and Sara Groves singing;


Christ is Reigning on His Throne

hold on