i lay there fighting for sleep. (not to be confused with fighting sleep like a toddler does. no. i wanted sleep-sleep was fighting me) finally i give up and get up at 1:30 in the morning. the thought comes to me that prayer would be a good thing to do. i laugh cynically; “i wish…” i start talking about that with that One who never tires or grows weary. i sit with Him and find myself redirected from the mind numbing reading (which i do believe has it’s place.) tonight in the darkness there are treasures to be mined for. i don’t know this of course (see also: laughed cynically) but my Master Gardner does. Sara’s words* give me a push down into the mine shaft. i cup open my hands to receive what might be described as rubies or sapphires, if only they were beautiful enough. it is dark outside and dark in my soul, but He has promised…..
You promise treasures in the darkness and You are that treasure
He delivers on that promise as words come to mind…vaguely they come and i flip open those thin and well worn pages and hunt for them. i take Sara’s advice* of carving out at least 200 words back to Him about these words of His;
Lift up your eyes and look at the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of His great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
“do not be afraid, oh little worm, for I Myself will help you,” declares the Lord
Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
if i say; “surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.”
only Christ knows the depth of meaning these very words have personally and specifically …to me. it’s a looking back on these recent years of walking in the dark in so many ways. it’s a remembering of what He told me about what was ahead-words i didn’t completely understand, nor do i now. words that only gave me the next step to take, and i’ve been waiting ever since to hear His voice in that way again. these are comforting words, encouraging words. He takes them deeper still, the meaning becomes deeper still. oh, this darkness may or may not lift. but the hand holding on to mine? it will remain constant whether i feel it or not.
sometimes my husband and i will be holding hands. time passes and i grow accustomed to the feel of my hand in his. but then there will be a slight squeeze-indicating a knowing, a loving, a depth of communication only we grasp.
tonight in the darkness, i feel my Shepherd’s squeeze.
*Taken from Sara Hagerty’s Adoration devotional available now free with a pre-order of her upcoming book: Every Bitter Thing is Sweet|Tasting the goodness of God in all things. You can also learn more about Adoration via her blog.