I said, “Let me walk in the field.”
God said, “No, walk in the town.”
I said, “There are no flowers there.”
He said, “No flowers, but a crown.”
I said, “But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din.”
He wept as He sent me back,
“There is more,” He said, “there is sin.”
I pleaded for time to be given.
He said, “Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in heaven
to have followed the steps of your Guide.”
I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town.
He said, “My child do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for a crown?”
Then into His hand went mine,
and into my heart came He.
Now i walk with a light Divine,
The path i had feared to see.-What Christ Said by George MacDonald. find the complete poem here
ten years ago i found myself in the middle of packing boxes preparing to move into the tiniest house ever right smack dab in the middle of town instead of the dreamed and worked towards log cabin in the mountains. i remember clearly hearing the Lord’s whisper; “I am answering your prayers” It made no sense at the time for it felt like He was answering my prayers with a big fat NO! still i pondered His whisper in my heart and watched and waited. now, these 10 years later, i can see it. how my deep heart longings and desires for my children and family were answered with a big YES! via a path i would never have known to choose.
the children have grown from toddlers to teens, yet following my Guide down paths i fear to see has remained a consistant theme for me. what i’m beginning to grasp is that these are becoming the very places where He does His best heart work. where He grows us and heals us and frees us. these paths are often neither easy nor comfortable, and at times i’m being led straight into the valley of sorrow unable to comprehend the rivers of joy that await me on the other side.
recently i found myself praying during the long dark hours of the night. unable to sleep with an ache that can only be quieted by the One who knows, i walked circles in the floor and laid my heart bare before my faithful and wise God. daylight came and life continued on as it does, but there was a settling and a watching and a waiting on my capable Father. doors appeared and decisions were made completely unrelated to my late night longings….or so i thought. as far as the eye could see there was no connection between the ordinary goings about in that day and the restless wrestling of the night before.
but the One who governs the sun, moon and stars-He knew. and today i find myself completely amazed at the way He orchestrated such a perfect answer to those prayers that night. i’m in awe at the ways He is responding to the desires and secret petitions of my heart. here again it is on a path where i have said-out loud to other people-that i would not walk. a path i said wasn’t a good fit for our family. today-this particular path-is precisely what our family needed.
what if the thing we think we need will actually prevent our true longings from being fulfilled? what if the things we think will ruin everything will actually give us life?
could it be that some of the places we run away from are the very places that hold the deepest treasures, deepest freedoms, deepest joys?
He’s teaching me to go where He says go, when He says to –not because i understand, or even expect anything but more pain or frustration, or even have any notion of the connection between the latest command and prayer of my heart –no, i go because my Guide can be trusted where He leads, because He is for me, and He knows better how to fulfill my heart longings than my small brain can comprehend.
where is it for you? is there somewhere you are running away from, turning back because what is ahead is a valley of sorrow and you are afraid? confused? take heart! there is a whole cloud of witnesses cheering you on. david was afraid too as he trusted in his God. Abe was confused too when he reasoned that God was able to raise Isaac from the dead. and dear ol’ Paul, through learning, was persuaded that this One he knew and believed was able to keep that which he had committed to Him. and then there is JJ Heller….
to draw further in
Psalm 37; 2 Timothy 1:12, Genesis 22:5; Hebrews 11:19
Wow. This cut deep to the heart of the matter. A message I so clearly needed to hear. I’ve been fretting over what isn’t happening instead of looking around at what is and waiting on God. We’ve been hearing a lot of big fat NO’s lately and it is discouraging. I like the lessons you are sharing that maybe what we think we want will not “fulfill those deep longings…” I know waiting on God is best, sometimes I just need to be reminded. Reminded to look for the “treasures, freedoms and joy” right where I am. Thanks, dear friend for such insight. You have given me much to ponder.
All those No’s can be so discouraging, and the waiting too. This one took a bit of courage to share being so near to my heart that is still a bit tender in some spots, so hearing how you were reminded and encouraged gives me encouragement too! The writing has been tough this season, i know we have both felt that-so glad to journey alongside you Teresa!
I was about to go over some things for our class tomorrow and as I opened my binder I found the piece of paper you gave me with your blog info. I had to come right over. What a blessing, my friend! We are going to miss you so much in the class. I hope we can stay in touch.
What joy to have you over here in my blog space! I miss you all too. my tuesdays have taken on a new rhythm, but i am forever thankful for the tuesdays last year and all the Lord accomplished in me and in class! sending my love right back! mel