seeing this #10yearchallenge come up around the interwebs got me to thinking back. where was i 10 years ago? how old were my kids? what were we in the midst of?

~~~**~~~

man, that was a rough time

  • an investment that had gone south, ushering in a financial mess
  • early stages of journeying with children w/ sensory needs, needing OT, ST, GT, HT, ET*
  • feeling alone navigating a new way of living

all with 10 years younger kids (3, 5, 9) and self (36)

man, it was a rough time

~~~**~~~

however, from this place of looking back, i have a different view of it all:

all the fissures and gaping wounds, places of seemingly deprivation, lack, and impossible circumstances the 10 years ago me faced;
have been the very vessels
of opening my heart to joy
and equipping us to navigate life with less fear.

with this new perspective, there are some things i would tell my 10 years ago self:

  •  don’t fight so hard to hold onto the things being taken
  • trust your God, trust yourself and the way He’s leading
  • don’t be afraid to embrace where He has you and how He leads you tho no one else understands it, believes it, supports it.
  • hang in there, help is on its way: a new OT, a new church, a title-1 public school.
  • enjoy walking to the library-even if your children are the only ones who can enjoy it too.
  • In 10 years you will snap a photo and not realize in the foreground is the very location so much came literally crashing down, but you’ll have forgotten that having been captivated by the beauty of the fog.  (see above)

it’s true, He makes beautiful things out of ruin…out of perceived ruin

~~~**~~~

this has me thinking about story.  the story we attempt to write for our lives, for our children’s lives.  i think we’ve bought into a false representation about what makes a good story.  we think having enough money, time, friends, and a little extra for travel makes for a good life.  what really is good?  when i look back, i see how Jesus has redefined that in me.  and as is so many things in HIs Kingdom, it is the opposite of what my upbringing and culture declare.

one last thing i would tell that 36 year old;

all those who seem to be against you?  who seem to misunderstand you, who think you’ve lost your mind to live as you do?
they aren’t against you. they want good things for you.  it’s just a different definition of good than the One who knows you best and loves you most.

The Author and Perfector of your faith,

it is He who writes the best stories

and He who holds you in the palm of His hand

it’s true, He makes beautiful things out of ruin….out of perceived ruin.

but He knows the way that i take
when He has tested me, i will come forth as gold

 

*speech therapy, occupational therapy, gymnastice therapy, horse therapy, basically everything therapy

to draw further in; job 23:10 (quoted above), isaiah 35; isaiah 30:15-18; luke 1:46-55