they all walked away. consumed with grief.
and hope? it vanished.
he is dead. we had hoped.
i sat there this year at our tenebrae service and i could not help but remember last year. last year i had sat with 3 people i had only known for 5 days. we had given food and shelter to others for that week, but these 3-something different was happening. these came to the service. and then spent 2 hours following the service asking me questions, and i opened up the scriptures and talked and listened. and went to bed amazed at what i just watched God do….with this vessel that is me. amazed that He allowed me to participate. and then spent this past year pouring out my heart, my life, my love. hoping they. would. know. Him.
last night i sat there and the seats next to me were empty. these 3-they chose not to return to this place. i had hoped.
Jesus. he spent 3 years with those 12. opening up the scriptures. explaining. pouring out his heart, his life, his love. hoping they. would. know. Him.
today is the day of sitting in this place of hope deferred. feeling it. grieving.
i know, i know there is the rest of the story. but i don’t want to go there yet. i want to stay in this place for a while. ponder. reflect.
the psalms say something like this; “hope deferred makes the heart sick”
the truth is, my heart has been growing in this sickness for a while. those 3 aren’t the only ones for whom ‘i had hoped.’ there are more, and i am one of them.
i read the other day on flowerpatchfarmgirl’s blog about wonder.
i think this heart sickness is related to a loss of wonder.
and i have asked for its return.
sitting here in this place, its my Emmaus road. i’m walking it with my risen Lord, but i’m blind like those disciples. i don’t know that by tomorrow’s celebration of the rest of the story i will have moved on or not. i just know for today. (this day bewteen friday and sunday)
he is dead. i had hoped.
Christ came to them in that place. He met them there.
Please come and open my eyes to Your Wonder……
….right here with empty seats.
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