"I am guiding you on the way of wisdom and I am leading you on the right path." Proverbs 4:11
it has been a good day. i am feeling lighter and fuller all at the same time. it is late and my brain is tired. and the words are coming so slowly. my eyes are droopy, the house is quiet and warm.
so for tonight i will leave you with this:
rest well friends, rest well.
Provision:
3. Stores provided; stock; as provision of victuals; provision of materials.
yesterday i commented to my daughter that i’m writing for 31 days on provision and i haven’t even talked about money yet.
but today i paid some bills and updated our excel spreadsheet budget.
so money is on the brain.
truth be that i’d rather not talk about money at all-it’s not the easiest thing to talk on. But it is a significant part of daily living-so…these are some things i’ve learned about myself along the way.
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to me money is right there with food. meaning i can’t just flee from it, i have to learn how to live with it. and if i have a money issue-i have a heart issue. and it really doesn’t matter if i’m functioning with the issue (living within my means) or not functioning with the issue(living outside of my means). the Lord does not look on the outward appearances-He looks on the heart.
like so many things provided-the path leads towards life or death.
for a while i worked really hard to get it all right with the management of our money. that was idolitry.
now i have a different heart towards the matter. i still budget-i still pay attention to what is coming in and what is going out. we wait and we wait and we wait some more for things. we splurge and buy things just for the sake of our delight.
but now i understand it’s the Master’s money.
all. of. it.
and so real wisdom in it comes from knowing the Master’s heart. the more i understand His heart, the more i understand what to do with my allotment of money.
He’s creative-lavishing beauty in fields with wildflowers.
He’s generous-lavishing His children with romance and grace.
He’s purposeful-providing specifically to accomplish specific things…in my heart and in this world.
He’s surprising-i may have a plan, or know some conventional wisdom to apply-but He surprises me often with what He says to do.
Sometimes He let’s me go hungry, and sometimes He feeds me with abundance and sometimes it’s the same manna day after day after day…and i start to crave meat. But always it keeps me on my knees praying for contentment, wisdom, generosity, and help….
to find satisfaction in the God who provides the money above and over the provision itself.
“All that we call human history–money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery–[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.”
this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series click here. To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)
O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off.
You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain it.Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead), behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me and the night shall be [the only] light about me,
Even the darkness hides nothing from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
i like to read psalm 139 in multiple translations–different words strike different pictures/understanding.
spending time meditating on His immense knowledge of me….and everything around me. He knows me to the depths of the bottom of my very soul, and He loves me to the very top of the universe. Such knowledge-oh the Grace-oh the Gift.
Oh the provision of being known!
this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series click here. To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)
for when life is closing in and i can’t form a thought-i often just sing. every tribe and nation has songs. the jewish people sang the pslams. the angels in heaven and all creation sings praises to our King of Kings.
music-it’s one of my most favorite provisions: comforting, encouraging, rejoicing, moving…..
so i had a video i wanted to upload-it’s a group of ugandan boys and their rendition of ‘What a Friend we have in Jesus’ i have never heard anyone else harmonize it the way they did. But instead, all i can show is this photo:
it was some of the most fun i had when in Uganda-my dear friend Cricket playing the accordian and listening to these voices sing in a way only they can.
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Lately i’ve been listening to Jon Foreman’s ‘seasons’ albums. this one’s from the ‘Spring’ EP. it catches in my head and is a great truth to have on repeat whilst washing dishes, folding clothes, etc.
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remembering this particular definition:
music-a powerful provision for life.
this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series click here. To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)
May this week bring vision of all the ways the Lord foresees for you. May you experience the measures taken on your behalf for security, defense, or the supply of wants and needs. and may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. (that last part comes from the end of 2 Thessalonians. the rest from thinking on the definitions.)
always with me
i turned 40 last november and really wanted to celebrate.
i dreamed up many ways of going about it. mostly revolving around going somewhere with my family.
i also wanted to attend a conference of some sort. maybe on writing?
and so i watched and waited and in the mean time things happened and our savings account began to drain right down.
this summer a conference came up that i really wanted to go to. i swore it off, our savings being at it’s minimum for us to use to live on each month for when someone needs to go to the doctor or whatnot. but then i saw the price-and i knew i could afford that, and i wondered deep inside; was this something the Lord had for me? and even tho the purchase date came right in the middle of the flooding-the thought of it stayed with me and i only had a few hours to make a decision and click that darned purchase ticket button.
so i pushed the button.
and didn’t think about the details of getting there, etc.
it’s in North Carolina. right before Thanksgiving break with a whole week off of school.
the dream awoke again of the cottage and Biltmore and the amazing timing and maybe? of all of us going to North Carolina for an entire week with an afternoon of this conference thrown in for me.
it was a wonderful dream.
but the reality is that only i will go, and i will stay in the cheapest hotel and fly on the cheapest flight. and ask for help to be content with the extravagance of all of that-for all of that is quite extravagant.
there is the tension between what is and what is longed for.
and i feel it, not just with the finances. it’s there in the state of my relationships with my family, my father, my sisters. it’s there in the things i long for for my children. it’s there in how my days look vs. how i wanted them to look. the dream i see for our cabin, and the vision i see for our house in town-neither of which is attainable today.
tension.
a long time ago i began settling Who really owns/controls my path and my finances and where i live and move and have my being. (really He began it, and keeps settling it all the time) and ultimately it is all a tension between what He gives and what i’d rather have. i know, i know ….. His plan is the best, truly the best. but i won’t pretend it’s always a delight or that it isn’t hard. there are losses a plenty. a giving over the allusion that i have any control—hanging on to the goodness of the One who does.
and so i need His help. every. single. day. i need His help. i need to talk with Him about it. i need Him to listen and comfort and give me truth to hold on to. i need His provision of enjoyment
in what is. right. here.
and i need His help to keep dreaming. to keep from protecting my heart and becoming cynical. to keep from misjudging my dear Lord’s character. yesterday He romanced me. today i am disappointed about something i wanted but cannot have.
that is the tension.
and in it He provides help.
it’s these things that make my heart skip. i don’t really know how to describe it-the best thing i can come up with is: being romanced by the King of Kings, which causes a depth of joy within. it’s a joy of being known. isn’t that what romance is? a demonstration of being known and delighted in?
so these are a few examples that He’s given me very recently:
driving away from the sheriff’s office with my ‘credentials.’ i carry a very official sign that states: “Residential Access Pass” i don’t know why, but it’s like an official statement of belonging. my heart skips and i rejoice.
i got to go to those mountains today, pass in hand, and experience the joy of fellowship and understanding-how strengthening it is for a heart to be understood. and i am filled with joy in the midst of the struggles and grief’s of the latest disaster.
and then i go to pick up my boys from school. they are in the music room, my middle son is wanting to learn a specific song for the talent show. usually he gets his help on you-tube, but this song isn’t on there. so he’s asked his music teacher to show him the parts and he can take it from there .
“you taught him to play?”
“well…..no…. well, kind of. i never really learned to play, and i don’t know how to read music. we moved a lot as a kid and some of our houses had piano’s in them and so i would play around on it a little. i just have taught him the few songs i picked out-but i only know how to do the right hand.”
“have you thought of getting him lessons?”
sigh. “yes……” what she doesn’t know is that i’ve thought of it a lot. i’ve prayed for it. for the provision somehow. and i’ve been watching and waiting for an answer for going on 5 years now as i watch him play his keyboard every. single. day.
“….it’s a budget issue..” i whisper out. it’s not quite that simple, but that’s all i can muster as a response.
“i understand…..i’d be happy to teach him. he can stay afterschool for 30 minutes one day a week and then practice at home 30 minutes a day, Zeke would you want to do that? would you be willing to do the work required?”
and i can’t even get the thank you out for the tears that are coming.
we talk about the details and a little more about our family as we really don’t know each other very well. i explain Zeke’s sensory a little and a little bit about why we aren’t able to fit a real piano in our house (800 sq. ft, 2 bdrm, 5 people-i could say more, that’s for another post .)
and my heart skips a beat.
it’s not really about free piano lessons. it’s so much more than that. Christ knows the gift He’s given my son. He knows …how hearing him play…the joy that brings to me. and i was ok with leaving it at that. But here, someone else delights in zeke’s gift and has the ability to help him in it and is happy to do so….just because. and i can give nothing in return.
all these examples are really hard to put into words. they relate to my innermost being, the part He knit and knows inside and out. and that’s the main part of the joy-because i know that He knows the significance.
These are some of the ways that He romances me. and it draws my heart to fall deeper in love with this One who gives gifts for me to simply enjoy, just because.
i delight in His provision.
this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series click here. To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)
This is what the road looks like near our Cabin. it appears wherever a culvert was, the flooding created this. i think there are 4 or 5 of these types of ‘holes’ on the road to our property. (can i even call it a hole? wish the photo could really show how massive it really is.)
Temporary access passes have been given to residents only. So that we can wind our way around on roads rarely traveled-it’s a long way in, a hard way in. a windy and rough way in.
There is this company that rents out temporary bridges for situations like this. Our state is FULL of these holes, as well as roads completely gone-taken over by the river. The governor has given the go to have these installed in Colorado. Which roads will receive them is unknown to me-i’m not holding my breath for our county road-but we’ll see. an 80-foot, two-lane bridge would probably cost $60,000 to $70,000 annually, and can be erected in 4 days.
………
and so i was thinking about this as i read Matthew chapter 3 and Isaiah chapter 40:
John’s calling out-make way for the king. Fill the pot holes, smooth out the road. Spiritually speaking-it’s repenting of the sin that so easily entangles me. But i work to turn the other way, to walk away from the sin, yet again and again and again, selfishness, ugliness, on and on and on the list can go in the course of just a few minutes.
it’s just as massive and impossible job for me to repair too. The bridges of ‘good behavior’ i may construct are only temporary. do i grasp that? for all my righteous acts are as filthy rags. i can never make it.
He bridges the gap for me. and makes Himself accessible.
the promise isn’t for the road to my cabin….so much as it’s for the caverns sin carves out in my heart. His bridge took a few hours to complete. in an instant He declared; “It is Finished.” That separating curtain tore from top to bottom.
and i have been invited to come and approach The Kings Throne……
He’s the King, i tell you, and He has provided.
this is part of a 31 day series on Provision. To see the first post in the series click here. To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)
Hide:
4. To protect; to keep in safety
In the time of trouble, he shall hide me in his pavilion. Ps.27.
[L. provideo,literally to see before; pro and video, to see.]
5. To foresee; a Latinism. [Not in use.]
He sees. This concept of provision is completely new to me. and deeply comforting. He sees before. ……
So one place i thought i’d start in this series is a good ole search of the Bible on the word Provide. this story!?!...i was thinking of it this morning…and here it is in the search. oh how deeply comforting and affirming.
2 The word of the Lord came to [Elijah], saying, 3 “Go away from here and turn eastward, and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 4 It shall be that you will drink of the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to provide for you there.”
5 So he went and did according to the word of the Lord, for he went and lived by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he would drink from the brook. 7 It happened after a while that the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land.
8 Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, 9 “Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and stay there; behold, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you.” (1 Kings 17)
The Word of the Lord said: “hide yourself by the brook…..I have commanded the ravens….”
The Lord commands his prophet to hide himself by a brook. he commands His ravens to bring him bread and meat. he forsees the need. the need for physical sustenance, and the need to be hid away for a time. i could almost venture to think he saw this very need when He was forming the brook. i can picture the comfort thought of in the forming of the rocks, just the right crevices, just the right shapes. and the trees, just the perfect placement for shade. and the sound of the brook-to calm and soothe and refresh. (ok, so it just says a brook, and not rocks or trees, but this is the way my mind visualizes a place to hide onself and take shelter from the storms.)
He sees how tired we are. how worn down from the groaning. the word of the Lord still comes and provides. He commands and directs. He knows the need, the real needs. He’s no butterfly;
(Amy Carmichael writes of letters she’s written to those suffering:
“ All these letters have been written, as one of them tells, at the time the storm fell upon me, not after the coming of the calm. In the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius we are told that it is in our power to live free from all compulsion in the greatest tranquility of mind, even if wild beasts tear in pieces the members of this kneaded matter which has grown around us. ‘for what hinders the mind, in the midst of all this, from maintaining itself in tranquility?’ But when he wrote that, his kneaded matter was not being torn to pieces. It was sitting comfortably aloof from the claws of wild beasts; so his composure does not do much for us. It can, indeed, be exceedingly irritating. There is more of the pith of life in Satan’s ‘put forth Thine hand now and touch his bone and his flesh’—we understand that.
The toad beneath the harrow knows
Exactly where each toothpoint goes.
The butterfly upon the road
Preaches contentment to that toad.There can be minutes when the toad is not properly grateful to the butterfly—no, not even if he comes dressed like a very good Christian. He is upon the road: he isn’t under the harrow; he never was there.” (Rose from Brier p.14)
No, our Lord is no butterfly. He sees before. He provides a hiding place and sustenance. sometimes He uses ravens and sometimes He uses widows. with Elijah, he was told to Hide himself before he was told to Arise and go. For the Lord saw and knew his beloved child’s need.
and He provided.
i had some other thoughts last night for today’s post. but the trick of writing everyday is writing of the stuff of everyday. and today, this is it. these are the words i have for a dear one who has had way too many butterflies flitting about her. may the Lord grant you shelter in the cleft of a rock and the comfort of His very wings my friend.
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