For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.  I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you a Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.

-ephesians 1: 15-19

An ordinary simple Christian kneels down to say his prayer.  He is trying to get into touch with God.  But if he is a Christian he knows that what is prompting him to pray is also God: God, so to speak, inside him.  But he also knows that all his real knowledge of God comes through Christ, the Man who was God-that Christ is standing beside him, helping him to pray, praying for him.  You see what is happening.  God is the thing to which he is praying-the goal he is trying to reach.  God is also the thing inside him which is pushing him on-the motive power.  God is also the road or bridge along which he is being pushed to that goal.  So that the whole threefold life of the three-personal Being is actually going on in that ordinary little bedroom where an ordinary man is saying his prayers.  The man is being caught up into the higher kinds of life…he is being pulled into God, by God, while still remaining himself.

-from Mere Christianity

Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dwell within Thy calm:
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not lose the chance to prove
The fulness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

found in the book Rose from Brier by  Amy Carmichael

*this is how the word is spelled in the book which was published in 1933 in Great Britain.

i sit across the table from her and share a little about this desert i’ve been in.  and she gives me some tips;

have you tried praying God’s word back to Him?

do you have a set time to meet with the Lord?

have you tried singing hymns?

 -yes, i do that, i’m doing that.  on and on-the suggestions go. and it’s not that they aren’t good ones-they are disciplines that have worked so for a very long time.  they are wise and life giving.  and in writing this series, these things are already assumed-if you’ve never practiced praying God’s word back to Him-start now!!

but i’m not writing about a new discipline or finding a new method.  and, yes, i’ll admit i am the least consistent person i know…in anything!   Myquillyn wrote recently about rhythm vs. routine.  for the most part, i live in rhythm more than routine.

I need to start doing the dishes.

            or

That would never work for me.

and that would be missing the point of it all.  the point about the dishes is that God knew some things that i didn’t know myself.  i didn’t know before i lived in a house with a clothesline how restful laundry could be.  and when we moved into this house 5 years ago i debated about installing a dishwasher.  do you see in that picture above? that is it for my counter/cupboard space. you can see-dishwasher space is prime space!  i tried a week without one just to see. i concluded i needed the dishwasher more than the space.

but here we are 5 years later, and this is the way the Lord is coming to my aid?  He knows how i work, He knitted me together.  and He knows the desert i’m in.  and really, it’s His enabling that i can even see the provision, the rest that the chore invites me into.  i don’t understand it and i can’t explain it.  in my prayer closet i am dry and empty, dull and colorless; standing at the sink the world takes on color and i am left with nothing but Wonder.

it’s not really about the dishes.  it’s the movement of the One who set the earth to spinning.  it’s that in Him i live and move and have my being.  and my Counselor and my Guide has to show me what that really means in a practical way for this season of life that i am in.

How is the Great Shepherd coming to your aid personally and specifically in the season you are in?  if you take anything away from my words-let it be that.

two words on those thin and worn pages of my Bible cause me to pause, i inhale a deep deep breath and take in the depth of their meaning;

I know…

He knows.  He knows the ins and outs of the struggle.  He knows my frame and remembers i am but dust.  He knows the details and circumstances.   He knows everything.  oh the wonder of being known.

two more words on the page cause me to pause, inhale a deep deep breath and take in the depth of their meaning;

I See…

He sees me here in the struggle.  in the struggle with prayer, in the struggle with life.  oh the comfort of being seen.

about a year ago i stumbled upon this blog by Sara Hagerty; Everybitterthingissweet.com  Learning to breath out adoration of the God who knows and sees me has carried me through many a day when that’s all the praying i can do.  Here’s 4 minutes of being known and seen….

Sara’s message  is one of intimacy with Jesus and adoration of Him.  I’m still waiting for my copy of her book-which releases today.  i have found Him afresh via her instagram posts, and the devotional guide written to accompany the book.  i anticipate finding Him afresh in the pages of this book as well.   anyone who orders by October 14th will get a free download of a song by Ben Woodward and the devotional guide -for more information click here.  

The satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7 

in the summer as time slows and the sun warms and dries our clothes faster than the drier can, i find the rhythm of hanging up the laundry to be so life giving.  as my hands clip one side, than another, my thoughts are free to find their way.  i find talking with my Father to be so conversational, so natural, flowing so freely.  sometimes i lose myself and awareness of others around me-the noise of the game being played on the tramp 15 feet away sounds 50 miles away.  with the last clip-i pick up the basket and re-enter the world, filled and strengthened and made new.

even thru this drought that i’ve been in-this dry place-hanging the laundry becomes like a cup of cold water.

but it’s October now and the rain hinders my clothes ability to dry outside, coupled with the start of school and all the fullness that is fall and there is no time to spend hanging the clothes up one by one.  and so laundry becomes just another chore.

i’m still fighting against this dryness in my walkings with God, this struggle with prayer and reading of His word.  there are moments where He breaks thru but much of the time it’s that trudging through the mud.  but i don’t give up and i am aware of the workings of the Spirit in that.  i keep asking him to help me break thru the fog.  i keep asking Him; “Lord, teach me how to pray.”  and i keep asking Him; “Lord help my eyes learn how to see You.”

the dishwasher breaks.  it’s a bit annoying to think of the added work, but the timing is bad to even begin to address what is wrong with it, so i just start washing dishes.  the first day i’m washing all the dishes that were in the dishwasher that didn’t come clean and all the dishes that were waiting to be loaded in.  it takes a long time and just isn’t fun at all.  but then a rhythm begins to take shape.  i find that the few dishes generated in the morning take 10 minutes to clean up.  i find that the 10 minutes there at the sink begins to feel like the minutes spent at the clothes line.  i find that lunch doesn’t generate enough dishes to bother with and the dinner ones take a bit longer-but there are helpers and they each take their turn.  there’s a forced slowness that i am beginning to appreciate.  while my hands work in the morning my mind looses itself in the presence of my Father.  in the evening as i work alongside the one whose turn it is, conversations flow a bit easier too.

i honestly never thought i’d say these words; but i am enjoying doing the dishes.  it’s become something more than a chore-it’s become prayer.

i hear my Savior say
thy strength indeed is small.
child of weakness watch and pray,
find in Me, thine all in all

This is part of a 31 day series on prayer.  to see all of the posts in this series, click the image above. 

Moses stands before Pharaoh and does exactly what God told him to do.  Pharaoh in turn brings more oppression onto his slaves-Moses’ people the Israelites.  They yell at Moses and tell him it’s all his fault.

Moses returned to the LORD and said, “O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people?  Is this why you sent me?  Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people and you have not rescued your people at all.”

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Now you will see what I will do…. Therefore, say to the Israelites:  I will free you….I will redeem you….I will take you as My own….I will be your God….I will bring you to the land….then you will know that I am the LORD your God.”

Things are not going well, or even as expected for Moses.  He questions God with an open heart so God can speak to him.  i learn from Moses that prayer is an open heart dialog.  i learn from Moses that prayer is connecting honestly with the One who understands both my emotions and what He is doing in the world.  i learn from Moses that i need to be taught and who better to go to for learning than the One who knows everything!

i learn form Moses to take all of my questions and confusion and struggle straight to the One who is my Great Shepherd.  He may answer my questions, or He may move me to a place of Trust without having any answers.  Either way, i am helped along in my discouragement.

today i leave Moses asking myself a question;

How is my current fog enabling me to know that He is the Lord my God?

to draw further in:  Exodus chapters 5 and 6

when my hand in my Father’s was small….

i would sing to Him and talk with Him and read His words with a skip in my step.  I didn’t make lists of prayers, half the time i didn’t even think about praying.  i’d say grace at dinner and good morning and goodnight.  we were just getting to know each other, Him and i, and life was somewhat predictable and small, yet big all at the same time.  my firstborn and i would sing together and pray together.  i’d ask Him for help on the hard days-and there were hard days, and every time i’d ask for help-He’d help me.

when my hand in my Father’s began to grow, and my wonder was as a child….

i’d wait with eager anticipation for the e-mail to arrive in my inbox each week with prayer requests from Voice of the Martyrs.   I’d print it off and add it to my stack of newsletters from various missionaries i’d come to know.  I’d gather these up along with my 12 cent spiral notebook containing notes about those i love along with a characteristic of my Lord that i was focusing on at the time.  And I’d meet with my Father and we’d talk about it all.  Those times with my Father were so sweet.  There were still plenty of hard days to seek His help with.  and every time i’d ask for help, He’d help me.

but i’m a teenager now i think-at least as it relates to this thing called prayer.

i still receive the e-mails and newsletters and i’ve discovered a new source for adoration.  but there is not a spring in my step anymore, and meeting with the Lord feels more like trudging through muck each step picking up even more heavy mud.  i don’t gather anything up anymore and that 12 cent notebook hasn’t been written in for years.

i’ve seen some things since those early days.  mission organizations that aren’t doing what they claimed to do.  earnest prayers for the persecuted-yet persecution seems to be increasing.  loved ones falling deeper and deeper away and hope for anything else wanes.  battles with health that seem to get worse and not better.

in teenager-esque fashion , now i come-trudging those heavy feet along-and sit with more questions than answers.

what is prayer anyway?

doesn’t the Sovereign, all Knowing One, know what is happening without me telling Him?

isn’t the Great Shephard’s work in another’s life all Grace-and independent of anything i do?

who am i to tell the One who names the stars how to run the universe? (see also job 38-42)

in the world that is beyond my sight, where satan battles for the hearts of Your beloved’s, what is really going on when i pray?

and what do i pray for anyway?  i don’t ever really know what the best outcome of a situation would be.  i see knowing You as far more valuable than relief-but i’ve no clue what that looks like for another’s whose heart only You know.

questions and questions and questions.  Sometimes my All Sufficient One will answer my questions over a period of time, other times He moves me to trust Him without any answers.  yet, one thing remains constant.

every time i ask for help…He helps me.

Recently i wrote about how i spoke with God about how i couldn’t pray.  i was well aware at the time at the seeming contraction with that statement.  i mean, i can’t count how many times i declared with all authority to a herd of preschoolers;

“Prayer is talking with God”

but i didn’t change it because that is precisely what happened.  i have spent many a time talking with God about how i’m having trouble talking with Him.

one evening i found myself at church alone so i decided to slip into the prayer room. maybe without the distractions that surround me at home prayer will come?  i don’t remember now what happened with that, but i do remember looking around at the books and stumbled upon The Believer’s Prayer Life by Andrew Murray.  i’ve been walking through it slowly and gaining some insights into this battlefield that i’m on.  one such insight is this one:

How does Satan hinder prayer?  By temptation to postpone or curtail it, by bringing in wandering thoughts and all sorts of distractions, through unbelief and hopelessness.  Happy is the prayer hero who, through all, takes care to hold fast and use his weapon…..After naming all the other parts of the armor, Paul adds:

“With all prayer and supplication in the Spirit” (Eph 6:18)

Without prayer, the helmet of Salvation, the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit, which is God’s Word, have no power.  All depends on prayer.  God teach us to believe and hold fast!

these words reinforce what i already believe.  Prayer is vital.  and it reminds me that there is a real enemy who has years of battle experience.

i am striving to hold fast

and begging the One with the stronger grip to hold fast to me.