i like to take pictures of signs-i don’t know why, but i always have.  this week as i’ve been reading on the beginning of Israels’s journey from Egypt to the Promised land, i began to see signposts-marked out for them along their way.  i saw God’s purposeful bringing them to the end of their abilities, inviting them to know Him.  i saw truths for the battle that is within, and the battle from without.  and it all relates so much to prayer-the knowing and the battling. all opening my eyes to more pieces of the puzzle of who God is and the signposts left for me on my own journeying through this life to the promised land.

Look to God for direction and provision.

stop one is 3 days without water, and then water is found that is not drinkable.  Moses cries out to God and God provides him with a solution.

seek to know the Lord my God

Next up we have the problem of food in the desert.  “The LORD said to Moses, ‘I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites.  Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread.  Then you will know that I am the LORD your God.'”

obey without understanding, because the God i’ve come to know is the One giving the instructions

The instructions for gathering the manna are very specific-along with an introduction into the concept of Sabbath:  each day only gather one day’s worth, any extra will spoil.  except for on the 6th day-then you can gather 2 days worth and it won’t spoil.

.

write it down, take a photo, keep a souvenir.  do something to help me remember the ways He guided and provided.

“This is what the LORD has commanded: ‘Take an omer of manna and keep it for generations to come, so they can see the bread I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt.'”

Every need is an opportunity to experience God’s character.  His provision.  His help.  His nearness.  Himself.

again we have the need for water.  again a situation that we cannot solve ourselves.  God lead them here-they are completely in His will.  and they are thirsty.  it’s not a small problem, but a major concern.  and they are asking; “Is the LORD among us or not?”

big. sigh.

um, well, there is the parting of the red sea, the water that came out of a rock, that daily stuff that just appears for food.  but if a legitimate and major need for survival is not being met-what else is one to wonder?  oh, how many times and in how many ways have i been asking this very question?

Strength for the battle comes from the Lord’s power.  Victory comes from the partnership of those on the front lines and those praying.

So those other’s were signposts for the battle that is within.  Now they are faced with the Amalekites attack-the battle without.  Joshua and his men fight in the battle as commanded, and Moses, Aaron and Hur go to the top of a hill.  As long as Moses holds up his hands, Joshua and his men are winning.  When Moses grows tired, Aaron and Hur hold his hands up for him.

write it down-it is something to be remembered.  but not only that-this is training for Joshua who will one day lead Israel into battle.  He doesn’t know this, but God does.  And God finds it important for Joshua to understand how this battle was won.  i too need to understand this-and so do my children.  when they are ‘on the front lines’ (off at school) and there is victory in their day-and i have been home praying for them-we all need to ‘review the report’ and make note of where the victory came from….lest we think it’s from ourselves.

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”

Repeatedly Israel faces problems that they are not able to solve by themselves-divinely purposed!  Repeatedly God gives them more pieces of the puzzle of Who. He. Is.-divinely invited!  Their journey is my journey too….my journey specifically with prayer. and these are signposts along the path showing me the way through:

 looking to God for provision, seeking to know Him,  obeying without understanding, remembering the ways He guides and provides, allow my neediness to usher me into a deeper experience of Who. God. Is., know where my strength comes from, when my ‘arms are too tired’ ask other’s to pray for me, remember where the victory comes from, and write it all down.

In Your unfailing love You will lead
the people You have redeemed.

In Your strength You will guide them
to your holy dwelling.

to draw further in: Exodus 15-17

all photos taken in Uganda in 2010- it was fun to have a reason to share them.

“The Christian Life is a dynamic journey of knowing Him-anytime i am living out of old pains and drives to achieve means i’m missing a piece of the puzzle of who God is.”

 -Robbie Ankarlo

if i believe God to be distant and annoyed with me-my prayers (or lack of prayer) will reflect that.

if i believe God to be near and delighted to be so-my prayers will reflect that as well.

Each aspect of His character i’ve come to know influences the way i am communing with the One who invites me to call Him Father.  Each reminder of who He is that i give to my heart draws me deeper into authentically relating with this One who invites me into His Throne Room.

As time goes by i find myself more and more aware at how very little i know about life, about my own life.  i don’t know what is in store 5 minutes from now.  i don’t know how my children interpret my words and behaviors.  i don’t know what God is doing in the places He’s told me to go.  This One who knows everything has whispered to me time and time and time again; “you don’t need to know”

today, this One who makes Himself known is adding to that statement; “you don’t need to know about all the things. You only need to know Me.”

To Paul prayer was part of the necessary means even to a divinely foreordained end.  Philippians 4:6 says “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything”  That means that everything can be affected by prayer.  Prayer is not an art we can master because we cannot master the Artist we approach.  Growing in prayer is a lifelong quest, but quests are good because they keep us from getting stale, bored and arrogant.

Beth Moore

when i called, i didn’t know to be worried.  when they start asking me questions, I begin to put 2 and 2 together and realize that they are worried….and so i pray.  when she put the oxygen thingy on his finger and decides to try another because of the reading, my heart beats a little faster and i remember this very scene 11 years ago when he almost died.  and so i pray.  tests come back negative and it looks like he just has a virus that needs a couple more days to run its course-which is where i started in the first place.  and so i pray.

i hear news of the struggle in their marriage  and the way he’s running.  i take it in and move about the day until my heart is just overcome and stopping in the midst of things to pray requires no thought or effort-it just happens, continuing as time keeps moving along and change is not forthcoming.

and then there is that malady that is wreaking havoc on another dear one’s body and  keeping him up hours upon hours with no name or treatment.  we, his sheep, have laid hands and prayed to the One who knows everything.  healing hasn’t come and he’s still not able to shepherd the flock the Lord has stirred love in his heart for.  some nights when sleep evades me i find myself overcome and prayer on his behalf is as breathing-simply a response of the heart as i remember him.

seeing as i drive the majesty of these mountains i’ve grown accustomed to and i scarce can take it in.  praise to the One who formed these peaks and colored these trees happens without effort.

the list goes on and on; moments the light catches my daughter’s hair;  glancing over at my husband working hard. There are no more lists, but intercession still happens-when His Spirit moves within and i can’t help it.  I try to force it at times and as i’ve said here-that isn’t working anymore.  desperate moments as a mama, friend, wife, and prayer flows easy; Beauty that overwhelms and prayer flows easy…..when it does flow.  God is not Aladdin and I cannot command my heart to be stirred, or His Spirit to move.   in the waiting i ask Him to bring warmth to the coldness and light to the darkness.  and when He does.

i breathe deep in wonder and say thank you.

     Many a person had turned to his place of prayer, under bitter self-accusation that he has prayed so little, and has resolved for the future to live in a different manner.  Yet no blessing has come-there was not the strength to continue faithful, and the call to repentance had no power, because his eyes had not been fixed on the Lord Jesus.  If he had only understood, he would have said: “Lord, You see how cold and dark my heart is…..I lack the urgency and desire to pray.”

     He did not know that at that moment the Lord Jesus in His tender love was looking down upon him and saying:  “You cannot pray.  You feel that all is cold and dark.  Why not give yourself over into My hands?  Only believe that I am ready to help you in prayer…..do not seek the victory in your own strength….be assured of this-I will teach you how to pray.”

     Our whole relationship to the Lord Jesus must be a new thing.  I must believe in His infinite love, which longs to have communion with me every moment, and to keep me in the enjoyment of His fellowship.  I must believe in His divine power, which has conquered sin and will truly keep me from it.  I must believe in Him who, as the great Intercessor through the Spirit, will inspire each member of His body with joy and power for communion with God in prayer.  My prayer life must be brought entirely under the control of Christ and His love.  Then, for the first time, will prayer become what it really is, the natural and joyous breathing of the spiritual life, by which the heavenly atmosphere is inhaled and then exhaled in prayer.

Andrew Murray
The Believer’s Prayer Life p.34,35

It is not part of the life of a natural man to pray.  We hear it said that a man will suffer in his life if he does not pray; I question it.  What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer.  When a man is born from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve that life or nourish it.  Prayer is the way the life of God is nourished.  Our ordinary views of prayer are not found in the New Testament.  We look upon prayer as a means of getting things for ourselves; the Bible idea of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself.

Oswald Chambers (emphasis mine)

Mimosa Tree

in the 1920′,  a young Indian girl from a Hindu family named Mimosa was briefly introduced to her Father in heaven.

…something had happened on that afternoon when she heard for the first time about a living, loving God, whom we had called Father, who had made everything in the world, and the sun and moon and stars.  She had understood that He loved her.  And a strange thing had happened.”

It is a story worth reading.  today i just want to share with you a few words from the end;

And this …[story] that is still being written goes forth with a great joy and with two earnest intentions-to comfort, if it may be, some who, depressed by the perplexities of these days, are almost tempted to think our Lord is not in His world now as He was in olden time; and to win help for those who need it.

Can one consider this solitary Indian woman-protected, comforted, sustained, fed with bread the world knew not of, given to drink of fountains in the desert-without feeling that the love of God has many ways of working, and may be working now unseen through all the clamer and sadness of a foolish generation?  Is not such a story a witness to the Invisible?

Are there those for whom we have long prayed for, who seem beyond our reach now?  Love will find a way.  Are we discouraged because we do not see our expected signs, and the solid rocks seem to be sinking under shifting sands?  It is not so.  Love is mighty and must prevail.  Terrible in judgments, marvelous in loving-kindness, Love will find a way,

Out in these corners of the earth, those who are face to face with the old elemental forces of sin know what it is to shiver at times with a sense of the almost omnipotence of the god of this world.  Is there not comfort for us in this story?  In and out of the deep, dark places of heathendom-yes, and as truly among the garish lights of a Christendom that has lost its first warm love-wherever there is the least, the faintest response to Love, there Love will follow and find, for nothing in heaven or earth or under the earth is impossible to Love.

And will not my second intention find fulfillment somewhere?  Will not prayer that can be as a shield in battle, as dew in heat, as a cool wind on a breathless day, as the light of moon and stars at night, be round about any anywhere who, enchanted by a glimpse of the loveliness of Christ, are following Him today-dear, unknown fellow-lovers?  For God has other Mimosas.

-Taken from the book Mimosa by Amy Carmichael; p.17, 159-161

Psalm 109.21.  A prayer that may be unfathomable comfort to the ill and tired:

“Do Thou for them, for him, for her. O God the Lord.”

When one cannot pray minutely or powerfully, this prayer suffices.  We need not tell Love what to do; Love knows.

-Amy Carmichael

Amy lived in the nineteen hundreds, this is how Psalm 109:21 read in her day;  “But do *thou* for me, Jehovah, Lord, for thy name’s sake; because thy loving-kindness is good, deliver me:” (Darby translation).  For anyone like me who doesn’t quite understand the phrase ‘do Thou,’ here it is in the Amplified; “But You deal with me and act for me, O God the Lord, for Your name’s sake; because Your mercy and loving-kindness are good, O deliver me.”  

in exhaustion i hit my pillow thinking about how i need to write on prayer-very much aware of the days being missed, yet unable to form a thought.  in the past few days i have seen the dark side of chocolate, dark side of humanity and the dark side of my own soul.  coupled with the dark side has been so much beauty. so so much beauty.  the exhaustion comes from the whole of it all.

i breathe out thanks and praise for the bigness of the sky only to wonder if it’s all empty and shallow in my heart.

i groan out pleas and desperate cries for change and hope only to wonder if it’s all just empty and shallow in my heart.

i argue with myself and spin off into the rabbit trails that cause the minutes to tick away and away and away.

there is a very big part of me that just wants to shut my eyes to the whole of the world and the whole of my heart and the fight that it is to know what to say about it all to the One who’s eyes are wide open to both the state of this world and the state of my brain and my soul.

the temptation to just shut the door.  and walk the other way.

sometimes i think i make an idol of figuring things out.   i think prayer is something to figure out, so that it can help me make some sense of the beauty and darkness.

my son asks me a riddle.

“mom, can God make a rock that He can’t lift?”

“Since He can do anything, He can make a rock that He can’t lift.  but since He can do anything, He could lift that rock He can’t lift.”

wait, what?

this.  this is the middle of the wrestle.

i think i’m willing to stay in the tension.

with eyes open, i’ll wait.

East India man making bricks via Compassion International

sometimes someone speaks and all of a sudden my breathing begins to slow and my racing thoughts halt and burdens lift.  this happened to me the other day when my friend Gayle was sharing what she had learned from Moses in those same chapters i’d read;

Suffering either drives me towards God or away from God.  The only response to suffering and discouragement is to go to God.  Moses goes to God with his feelings, honestly and humbly pouring out his heart:

1. questioning God’s goodness; “why have you brought trouble upon this people?”
2. questioning God’s purpose; “is this why you sent me?”
3. questioning God’s actions; “You have not rescued Your people at all!”

What does God do when His discouraged one comes to Him in this way?

God doesn’t answer Moses’ questions, instead He reminds Moses of what is true:

1. God is in control (exodus 6:1)
2. God keeps His covenants. (exodus 6:2-5)
3. God saves. (exodus 6:6-8)

-Gayle Osterberg

in my own discouragement-even in regard to prayer as i desire it to be-this is the ‘prescription’ i need.  it is so very simple and so very powerful;

go and keep going to the one with the Mighty hand. keep running to the One who is a High Tower and Shelter from the storms.  the One who proves the fullness of His enabling love
over and over and over again.