Chasing Joy

"I am guiding you on the way of wisdom and I am leading you on the right path." Proverbs 4:11

Page 20 of 22

things provided: access

 

This is what the road looks like near our Cabin.  it appears wherever a culvert was, the flooding created this.  i think there are 4 or 5 of these types of ‘holes’ on the road to our property. (can i even call it a hole?  wish the photo could really show how massive it really is.)


 

 Temporary access passes have been given to residents only.  So that we can wind our way around on roads rarely traveled-it’s a long way in, a hard way in.  a windy and rough way in.

 

photo source

There is this company that rents out temporary bridges for situations like this.  Our state is FULL of these holes, as well as roads completely gone-taken over by the river.   The governor has given the go to have these installed in Colorado.  Which roads will receive them is unknown to me-i’m not holding my breath for our county road-but we’ll see.  an 80-foot, two-lane bridge would probably cost $60,000 to $70,000 annually, and can be erected in 4 days.

………

and so i was thinking about this as i read Matthew chapter 3 and Isaiah chapter 40:

3 Now in those days John the Baptist *came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea, saying, 2 “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” 3 For this is the one referred to by Isaiah the prophet when he said, 

A voice is calling,
“Clear the way for the Lord in the wilderness;
Make smooth in the desert a highway for our God.
4 “Let every valley be lifted up,
And every mountain and hill be made low;
And let the rough ground become a plain,
And the rugged terrain a broad valley;
5 Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
And all flesh will see it together;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
6 A voice says, “Call out.”
Then he answered, “What shall I call out?”
All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
7 The grass withers, the flower fades,
When the breath of the Lord blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.

 John’s calling out-make way for the king.  Fill the pot holes, smooth out the road.  Spiritually speaking-it’s repenting of the sin that so easily entangles me.  But i work to turn the other way, to walk away from the sin, yet again and again and again, selfishness, ugliness, on and on and on the list can go in the course of just a few minutes. 

it’s just as massive and impossible job for me to repair too.  The bridges of ‘good behavior’  i may construct are only temporary.  do i grasp that?  for all my righteous acts are as filthy rags.  i can never make it.

but God……

He bridges the gap for me.  and makes Himself accessible. 
the promise isn’t for the road to my cabin….so much as it’s for the caverns sin carves out in my heart.  His bridge took a few hours to complete.  in an instant He declared; “It is Finished.”  That separating curtain tore from top to bottom.

and i have been invited to come and approach The Kings Throne……

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].

 He’s the King, i tell you, and He has provided.

things provided: a hiding place

 

this is part of a 31 day series on Provision.  To see the first post in the series click here.  To read the entire series click here and read backwards (the first post is listed last, the latest post is listed first-i don’t know how to change that. thank you for grace.)

Hide: 

4. To protect; to keep in safety

In the time of trouble, he shall hide me in his pavilion. Ps.27.

Provide:

 [L. provideo,literally to see before; pro and video, to see.]

5. To foresee; a Latinism. [Not in use.]

 

He sees.  This concept of provision is completely new to me.  and deeply comforting.  He sees before. ……

 

So one place i thought i’d start in this series is a good ole search of the Bible on the word Provide.  this story!?!...i was thinking of it this morning…and here it is in the search.  oh how deeply comforting and affirming.  

2 The word of the Lord came to [Elijah], saying, 3 “Go away from here and turn eastward, and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 4 It shall be that you will drink of the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to provide for you there.” 

5 So he went and did according to the word of the Lord, for he went and lived by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he would drink from the brook. 7 It happened after a while that the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land.

8 Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, 9 “Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and stay there; behold, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you.”  (1 Kings 17)

 

The Word of the Lord said: “hide yourself by the brook…..I have commanded the ravens….”

The Lord commands his prophet to hide himself by a brook.  he commands His ravens to bring him bread and meat.  he forsees the need.  the need for physical sustenance, and the need to be hid away for a time.  i could almost venture to think he saw this very need when He was forming the brook.  i can picture the comfort thought of in the forming of the rocks, just the right crevices, just the right shapes. and the trees, just the perfect placement for shade.  and the sound of the brook-to calm and soothe and refresh. (ok, so it just says a brook, and not rocks or trees, but this is the way my mind visualizes a place to hide onself and take shelter from the storms.)

He sees how tired we are.   how worn down from the groaning.  the word of the Lord still comes and provides.  He commands and directs.  He knows the need, the real needs.  He’s no butterfly;

(Amy Carmichael writes of letters she’s written to those suffering:

“ All these letters have been written, as one of them tells, at the time the storm fell upon me, not after the coming of the calm.  In the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius we are told that it is in our power to live free from all compulsion in the greatest tranquility of mind, even if wild beasts tear in pieces the members of this kneaded matter which has grown around us. ‘for what hinders the mind, in the midst of all this, from maintaining itself in tranquility?’ But when he wrote that, his kneaded matter was not being torn to pieces.  It was sitting comfortably aloof from the claws of wild beasts; so his composure does not do much for us.  It can, indeed, be exceedingly irritating.  There is more of the pith of life in Satan’s ‘put forth Thine hand now and touch his bone and his flesh’—we understand that.

The toad beneath the harrow knows
Exactly where each toothpoint goes.
The butterfly upon the road
Preaches contentment to that toad.

There can be minutes when the toad is not properly grateful to the butterfly—no, not even if he comes dressed like a very good Christian.  He is upon the road: he isn’t under the harrow; he never was there.”  (Rose from Brier p.14)

No, our Lord is no butterfly.  He sees before.  He provides a hiding place and sustenance.  sometimes He uses ravens and sometimes He uses widows.  with Elijah, he was told to Hide himself before he was told to Arise and go.  For the Lord saw and knew his beloved child’s need. 

and He provided.

i had some other thoughts last night for today’s post.  but the trick of writing everyday is writing of the stuff of everyday.  and today, this is it. these are the words i have for a dear one who has had way too many butterflies flitting about her.  may the Lord grant you shelter in the cleft of a rock and the comfort of His very wings my friend. 

writing for 31 days on Provision


 

PROVISION:

1. The act of providing or making previous preparation.

2. Things provided; preparation; measures taken beforehand, either for security, defense or attack, or for the supply of wants.

 

PROVIDE:

v.t. [L. provideo,literally to see before; pro and video, to see.]

1. To procure beforehand; to get, collect or make ready for future use; to prepare.

Abraham said, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt-offering. Gen.22.

5. To foresee; a Latinism. [Not in use.]

6. Provide, in a transitive sense, is followed by against or for. We provide warm clothing against the inclemencies of the weather; we provide necessaries against a time of need; or we provide warm clothing for winter, &c.

 

Nester does a 31 days series in October.  This year i’m giving it a go.  it feels like giving myself an assignment as tho i was in school, and i’ve never been great at the spelling or grammar…..but whose grading?? 🙂   The word Provision has been on my mind lately.  And when i looked it up in that old 1828 Webster’s dictionary  i saw a depth i’d never thought of before. (if you click on the definitions above you’ll be taken to the online version)

So here goes to 31 days of learning to see the things provided.

 




Torn

in 4 days i will forget these words (about Rain) to myself.  literal rain will fall and fall and fall and roads will wash away and again we will be separated from a community we love.  and i will catch a cold and my daughter will catch a cold and we will spend these free days that have come-these days when the schools are closed and all activities are cancelled and tho the road is dry in front of my house, we must stay home. we will spend them sick and with way too much tv and so we are given a gift of rest in a way.  while outside deep losses and griefs are occurring.  and i will get a phone call that frustrates the hell out of me.  the party girl wants cigarettes and she wants me to go get her some.  no. i won’t do that. there are so many things on so many levels that are wrong with that.  the city is flooding for crying out loud.

and as a result my writing is scattered and my thoughts are disorganized.  But in the midst of it all, He still speaks.

outcomes.

these thoughts…. and the old Love and Rockets lyrics play on repeat “these thoughts pin me to the wall”  these thoughts of all these outcomes…

but He whispers in the mist/midst    of my grieving and my gratitude and my temptations to feel guilt for the gratitude and anger for the grief, and longings deep to be somewhere else, and grief over that too, and not really knowing how i feel because it keeps changing each second. and i just want Jesus to come. back. today. right. now. and be done with all this already.

Still, He whispers: 

hope and help

he whispers it through Matthew chapter 1  (really, this is the family tree?? these people??)

he whispers it through Acts 17:26-28 (He determined the exact places where men would live)

(the sticker the National Guard placed on our window of our cabin.  Reminder of where we are not living.)

He speaks through these words from Emily and Ann and a friend:

 “ You can’t control outcomes – you can only model how to become.”

 Am I willing to finally release my perceived right to control every outcome and instead trust the results to God?  

“Trust……when the outcome is beyond our ability to predict……that’s the place of trust.”

This tearing, pulling it’s deep within me.  i feel pulled.  i feel stretched by the outcomes, and lack of them.  i feel torn in two and grasping for hope.  the rain it refreshes and destroys.  and both at the same time only a few miles apart. 

Yet Christ promises hope. 

He promised it=hope.  and in the midst of being torn, he enables to keep going=help.

“For we have no power against this great multitude (of stuff) that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.  My help is in the name of the LORD who made heaven and earth.”

 

Rain

Rain

she is pulling away
     i get a call from her caseworker
            and go to check
and she’s dressed for a party
     but she opens the door for me
            and her tears flow
we sit and read psalm 139
     and i give her a hug
             but i cannot make her choice.

 

in another world, a dear sweet one comes to  Bible Study
     even tho she is feeling old and weak
            fighting the cancer within
and tomorrow she will learn what her options are.
               and she is hanging on – to Christ’s every Word
                               and it works
and she is comforted.

 

i’ve been 20 years now at this Bible Study
     this will be my 4th time through the Book of Matthew
            i started out lost.  4 years of His words, i became His
so i know that it works.

 

whom the Son sets free, will be free indeed.
          but it won’t work for some?  it will seem like it isn’t working for some.
               and what do i do with that?

 

keep going.  just keep going. 
     because He has said: 

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
11 So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

oh Lord, our only hope is You. 

Only You.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

The First 6 Weeks of School

The First 6 Weeks of School.  It’s an old book, used first by my aunt who was a teacher and then passed on to me.  I remember the principles set forth, those first 6 weeks establishing routines and how the class will run the rest of the year.  The importance of putting in time those first 6 weeks on these seemingly insignificant things so that learning can really take place later on. 

 

i’m transitioning.

and this first week was full of interruptions. and there was no ‘first 6 weeks’ routines established.  just lots of tears and pleas and prayers.  (and rebellion and complaining; “This is Not what i planned for today!”  -to be quite honest) 

or maybe……

the routines will come, i will learn this new place and pace.

but the pleas and prayers-nothing insignificant about that-and how necessary it is for the real learning within to take place.

and this new transition brings with it attack on my identity-as change often can. and that still small voice whispered often…..

he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

this first week my Teacher/Shepherd has established what remains the same as always:  

His word is my comfort

His ear is always available

His judgments are just

His grace all sufficient

Things i Learned in August

  

 

At the end of the month, for the past few months, Emily Freeman has been writing about what she learned and has invited other’s to link up and share what they have learned.  This is my first time joining a link up-and i am excited to share!

 1.  Raisons dance in ginger ale.  This one from my son’s 5th grade science class-there is a scientific explanation having to do with molecules and such.  what i don’t know is it has to be ginger ale or if any carbonated beverage will do. 

2.  Riding bikes to school is a GREAT idea.

3.  I will not cry when i drop off my boys the first day of school (which this year happens to be the first day of school outside of home ever for the youngest) because it means that i have some quality time with my freshman who starts school a week later.  But i will cry when i drop my daughter off.  Because for the first time in 13 years i now have time all alone.  i am delighted and sad all at the same time.

4.  I can survive walking through hundreds of high school kids eating lunch at the age of 40-much easier than i did at the age of 14!

5.  It is possible to have a pilot’s license before you have your driver’s license.  Some even set it as their goal to solo for their 16th birthday.  so possibly in 3 years i will be driving my daughter to the airport so that she can pilot me around the sky in an airplane!

6.  i will not be able to guess who said this: 

“For once you have tasted flight,

You will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward;

For there you have been,

And there you long to return.”

7.  there is a side of Leonardo da Vinci that i never knew. Not only is he who said the above quote, but i learned this about him:

“One of history’s creative geniuses was Leonardo da Vinci; an artist, scientist, and dreamer who was fascinated with flight.  He spent countless hours studying the flight of birds and his 15th century manuscripts contained approximately 160 pages of descriptioins and sketches of flying machines.”  -Jeppesen Private Pilot Textbook 2007 p.1-2

 8.  I will never cease being excited about learning-i will just express it differently now.  This is encouraging in the season i am currently in.  i have homeschooled each of my children at one point in their lives, but this year all 3 of them will be going somewhere else for school.

9.  Sometimes a person is drawn closer to God because i show up.  sometimes a person is drawn closer to God because i do not show up.  ultimately He gets credit for drawing a person to Himself-and so i can find peace in those moments when i feel His Spirit nudge me to turn off my phone and REST.  and when i doubt He gives me this conversation;

me: “i’m sorry i missed your call”

her: “that’s ok, i was struggling (to stay sober) but you didn’t answer so i picked up my Bible and ended up reading the entire book of James, and now all the cravings are gone and i feel much better. 

me: i have no idea what i actually said but inside i shouted; “Hallelujah!” glad i didn’t get in the way of that!

10.  Gut wrenching, pee your pants laughter with your husband is a GREAT idea too.  Netflix and Everybody loves Raymond.  Season 6 episode 13 “Tissues”.  your welcome.

11.  Another facet in the diamond of God’s Grace-His leading .  This learning to let go of  ‘earning’ (the try hard life as Emily Freeman calls it, or ‘getting it right’ as Larry Crabb would say.)  for me it’s layers of enlightenment and new patterns of thinking.  This month-today actually -the new layer is related to the Grace of His guidance;

“  Where can I go from your spirit?
    Or where can I flee from your presence?
 If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
    if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
    and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me fast.  psalm 139:7-10

12. And finally-that i can do one of these link ups!  It took all of 5 minutes to figure it out thanks to thenester’s practice page!  

 

Freedom

Freedom

We head off to a funeral.  the Papa’s life lived leaves room for debate on what really constitutes a life well lived.  while in the midst of all the events of the week, i don’t see what is different about us.  i only Thank God for the peace that has taken over my heart.  attending formal functions can be challenging for us-for anyone with children i suppose-as most children find using forks to be optional and wearing uncomfortable clothes to be stupid.

but upon reflection of this picture i move.

 from being thankful for peace in my heart to smile at my son’s chosen activity rather than panic in embarrassment (my more normal pattern). 

i move into awareness of his freedom. 

“life”  my dear friend declares when i show her the picture.

and my vision shifts and i look and i see it too. 

life here amongst death. 

for him, for us what is different is that there is no fear in death.

we are not afraid of it.  he is not afraid of it.

we walk among the graves and comment on the different dates and wonder about the lives lived and losses felt.

but my boy-he moves from there to the next logical place.

joy.

Oh Death where is your victory? oh grave where is your sting? 

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?

It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three—sin, guilt, death—are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!

the kids start school on tuesday-the younger two this coming tuesday, the oldest the folowing tuesday.  hence the long delays between posts! thank you for grace.

Considering

Considering

the yellow ring around the toilet bowl is disgusting so i shut the lid and wash my hands of it.  maybe tomorrow.

yesterday was spent on someone else’s needs.

and today the last one to catch the bug woke up with it.

and soreness from the fall yesterday while jogging with our Lady combines with fatigue from monthly hormones and i still can’t get out of my jammies.

thinking of how much to cancel today

thinking on and thinking on and thinking on the wretched state of this heart

 

out the window the sun still shines and the birds still sing

choices

i have choices to make today

what will they be?

and who will really be the push behind them?

can i claim any ownership?

for the ability to pick up one foot and place it in front of the other and head outside?

or for the hymn that pandora picks, the one that closes these eyes and brings deep breaths and tears of being loved so. 
                prone to wander, Lord i feel it

the Work He does is amazing and the part i play is small.

and it’s unfair that i get to watch at all, with all the stomping and ranting i do deep within
                 – me, me, but what about ME?

-do i see today as a rest day-because Lord knows the work tomorrow will hold?

-do i see others as an assignment?  or do i see them as a gift…to uproot me?

-do i see my children and their illnesses as an interruption?  as a curse?  or as a gift…too, to uproot more of me?

 

considering the lilies today and how He clothes them.  they grow without toil or spinning.

if this uprooting of me continues, won’t the Designer Himself take root in my place?

do Your work my Master Gardener

uproot away


 

Holding On

the tears drip down

i’m lost for words and how to process what i have seen today.

been taking a fellow to work this week.  after dropping my kids off at VBS, i’d head over to the hotel where he and his pregnant wife and 2 kids are living.

they have exhausted the resources of this city.  there are programs here.  they were in one. 

but sometimes a person’s brokenness keeps them from real help.

and so i drive.  there is always some fishing (for money) going on, but i am good and don’t bite.  this is love.  this is hard.  this is boundaries.  this is me in constant prayer seeking the Spirit who knows all things to tell me how to step left and right and dance this dance.

today it was driving pregnant mama and 2 kids and a couple of errands.  the conversations had been difficult, God had been faithful.  we drive in to the hotel.  there are many out of their rooms.  i look over and i see….

a man

carrying a woman

who is not breathing.

and i pull in and fumble for my phone to call 911 and wonder if i remember anything from cpr 25 + years ago.  the fire truck arrives quickly.  (before i need to find out about the cpr thing)

and i see. them. all.

i see the single mom of 4 who lives next to this family i know.

the family with the baby

the young girl

the tattooed man

the crowd gathered around

the fire dept, ambulance, police.

the darkness engulfing the entire place.

the woman breathing again taken

and the mom i know goes in her room, shuts the door,  and

i go home.

 

i go home.

and have to try to figure out how to parent these sinners here and nobody wants to clean their room

and i am the chief of them

but we have light.

we live in light.

and i can’t shake the vision of the darkness.

and i can’t stop weeping for them.

and asking why….why have i been given this gift of light.

and why won’t they take it?

and oh, that woman, the unnamed woman.  what brought her to the place of no breath in a run down hotel.

and You, the God who sees all things.  Who died for love of her, who has gone to great lengths for her, who continues to love her, how You must grieve.

this earth it is groaning.  i am groaning.

i have been studying the book of Colossians and so longed to write about all that i am learning.

but today, others are able to write and encourage and so instead i’ll just point to them.

for we all have need of endurance, and encouragement, and reminders of what is true. 

**~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~**

~Emily over at Chatting at the Sky and her post on what 100 lifeguards taught her about her calling.

~Jon Bloom’s guest post over at Ann Voskamp’s blog titled Don’t Give Up.

~and Sara Groves singing;

 

Christ is Reigning on His Throne

hold on

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2026 Chasing Joy

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑