O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength.
    How great is his joy in the victories you give! (psalm 21)

my youngest needs confidence.  his own experiences.  to find his own way, the path meant for him.  he’s 7, but young.  Recently he had his first day of Thursday school.  He is homeschooled, but on Thursdays he goes to school for art, science, spanish, etc…  This is his first year with this particular program.  He will have to change rooms and even buildings for each class. No one else has had this experience.  It seems like a grownup thing and he’s a little guy.  It will be hard for him, and my heart aches with that momma ache for him.  Driving away i fumble out a prayer-the Lord knows how to translate into the words i can’t find.  He knows that my desire for my boy is that he would experience the Lord’s help personally-but that means needing the Lord’s help.  That he would grow in confidence and courage-experiencing the joy of ‘i did it!  i made it thru!’  but that means something difficult to do or to make through.   i wait in anticipation for that moment when i pick him up and he grins ear to ear.  Then i will know the Lord has once more granted victory for my son.  i just know it may not happen today-it is a journey after all. 

 my middle boy has known Jesus’ help countless times.  he needed it on his first day to get shoes on that he had not been able to wear since the fires.  the Lord granted him victory that day.  today he’s tired.  today the socks aren’t working.  he snapped at his brother who was talking through what was before him with ‘i don’t care about that-i have to get socks on right now.’  ugh.  That was a tough one.  But i did side with the younger one this time-his needs are important too.  All the while praying-we need to leave now, please Lord help this pair to work.  This boy has seen victory over and over and over again.  It’s a daily need for him in this world.  He got them on, and-we did make it to morning recess-vital for success for him at school each day.  but still as he sauntered off to the play ground-i called out ‘i love you’ and my heart felt that momma ache.  How will this rough start play out for him today?  i fumbled out a prayer for him-thankful again that the Lord translates these words i can’t find.

 That momma ache comes for my oldest girl interspersed more now.  Going off to school doesn’t bring it up so much anymore.  When we’ve had a fight and she’s sleeping-i ache to communicate to her how much i love her in a way she can receive it-i keep failing at that.  Now it’s things like trips far away without us (New York, Washington state) Or a school dance, or advocating for herself to an adult, or a sleepover with a new friend.  Next year it may come the first day of high school i suppose.  As usual, we will do that hard thing, and i will fumble through a prayer.

 i’ve heard it said (and maybe i’ve said it already here) as a parent i can prepare the road for my child, or prepare my child for the road.  my approach is the latter.  it’s a big big world out there.  and i’ve no illusion of control over anything.  and the only thing that is constant in this approach is that the preparation is different for each child-and only Jesus knows them intimately enough to know the path they need.  so we pray and follow and face these hard things……ultimately because these hard things have never failed to prove our God faithful.  not faithful to change them or make them easier.  no, He is faithful to strengthen us, to reveal Himself in a new way, to remain constant in His love for us, it’s not a tame love, but a good love…oh such a good love. 

 Oh Lord, this mom finds joy in Your strength, how i greatly i rejoice in the victories You give.  These daily victories You give.