Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
as the kids are getting older the parenting is getting more complicated. or maybe it’s just me and the way i strive and think and wonder and fear…
in any case my need for the God who is so very Wise continues to grow, it seems so opposite of what i would think. most jobs, the longer you do them, the less help you need as you become efficient and capable. that’s how it was for every job i had before this one.
we’ve got one teen and 2 more following close behind. and i would be lying if i said it wasn’t hard. and i would be lying if i said i’d become efficient or capable.
i’ve always known that the best gift i can offer my kids is my own mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. the more healthy i am the more free i am to love them well, and in a healthy life giving way.
but what i didn’t know was that loving in a healthy life giving way would feel like the very death of me.
This is not a time in which motherhood is reveared or respected. It is not a time of recieving gratitude from the child. Nor should it be….-The Mom Factor by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, on adolescence-emphasis mine
i bow to the idol of knowing, i question and question; “am i being unreasonable? ….too lenient? am i not taking their sin seriously enough?…to much?” on and on it goes. there is One who knows the answer to all my questions, and i must listen to Him…..and that requires the deeper trust i’ve needed all along.
It is a difficult process. And it is even more difficult because mother bears this process within herself. She is the laboratory for the child to become an adult, and it takes its toll on her. The good mother gets her needs for love, affection, and respect met by God and the safe people in her life. Only in this way can she altruistically and sacrificially do the best thing for the child, who desperately needs safe passage toward adulthood.-Cloud/Townsend
Jesus said that for Peter, there was a specific death that would glorify God.
so too with me. being a conduit of safe passage towards adulthood-that is a kind of death. and it’s the death assigned to me as their mother. a daily cross to take up with a command to follow the One who knows the hairs on their heads and loves all of us perfectly.
it is a death that promises life-life in me and life offered to them. it is a death whose only outcome can be God’s glory. my strength indeed is small, but my God is big and i love them and they are worth it.
I’ll chase You through the pain
I’ll carry my cross
’cause real love
Is not afraid to bleed
Take my all
Take my everything
I’ve counted up the cost
And You’re worth everything
To draw further in: John 21:18-22; 1 Corinthians 13; Philippians 1:1-6; Ephesians 4:17-32; the stanzas in the hymn Jesus Paid it All