i wrote this where the yurt once stood to remind myself that this was true regardless of what my circumstances were. a reminder to hold both His sovereignty and goodness in my hands.
…and He determined…the exact places where [man] should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.
our experience with the Yurt and relocating also settled something sure within us: there was a place for us and the One who names the stars can be trusted where He leads. where He takes us is so we would seek Him….with all of our hearts, and be willing to follow because of Who He Is, not what we understand. reading about the story behind the hymn; Have Thine Own Way, i came upon a poem that became my inner plea. not necessarily because i was willing, more that i wanted to be…..
i am willing
to receive what Thou givest
to lack what Thou withholdest
to relinquish what Thou takest.
to surrendor what Thou claimest.
to suffer what Thou ordainest.
to do what Thou commandest.
to wait, until Thou sayest go.
i’d begun to hand over full control of our money to the owner of cattle on those thousand hills (rather than just ten percent). i grew in my understanding of belonging wholly to this One who gave all for me. and i began to realize His knowledge of me contained thoughts too wonderful for me to fully grasp.
we were thick in the throws of identifying and treating a child with Sensory Processing Disorder, homeschooling our oldest, and working on rebuilding that foundation whenever we could, all with minimal funds. occupational therapists and homeschooling materials and building materials are expensive. and then there is the matter of needing to eat. all this continued my education in praying without ceasing. so many times all i could muster was a small chirp; “help” and every time i prayed for help, every single time, the Lord helped me. whether it was wisdom and self-control with an out of control child, or how to make the menu stretch, great oh so great is His faithfulness.
in the midst of all of that He led us to send our oldest to our neighborhood school the following fall. then we found ourselves needing yet again to move. the market had shifted and rentals were now hard to come by, so we looked at what we could purchase. at first there was not a single house in our city cheap enough. this perplexed us, since the Lord had made it clear where Hannah was to be attending 4th grade. we looked in other towns, but never had the Lord’s peace. i had also made it clear to both the Lord and my husband what type of house i was willing to live in. then the market took a turn and 5 houses popped up in our city that we could afford. there was this one only 2 blocks away from where we were. we’d drive by often, but had never been willing to consider it, it was so run down and needing a ton of work to even inhabit. it was slightly bigger (820 sq ft.) but still only 2 bedrooms. we really wanted our daughter to have her own room. we thought she needed her own room. then one day i found myself walking over and looking in the windows. and then one night i mentioned it to my husband. “maybe when we go to look at those other 4 we should just add this one to the list?” so we did. and we prayed. and the Lord led. and He made us willing.
the driveway and detached garage had dirt floors. i contacted a guy who came over and gave me an estimate to concrete them. on a whim, i mentioned to him our situation up on the mountains, those concrete block walls that needed filled, and our inability to get any concrete companies to drive up there. he was willing and he’d work it out with the owners of the concrete and the trucks.
this picture always makes me cry. so much time and uncertainty and sacrifice and waiting we’d had to overcome to get here, so many details that only the One who tells the sun when to go down could work out.
even with a huge project of a house in town, this day was a day of celebration, of joy, of being satisfied in the things the Lord gave.
to draw further in: psalm 139, psalm 104:19;