i have this tendency to over-introspect and super analyze my interactions with others. could i have worded that better? did i listen well? was i firm in just the right way? am i even making a kingdom difference? how in the world could i be making an earthly difference, let alone a kingdom one?
it’s not such a bad thing to introspect and pray for sensitivity to the Spirit and the work He is doing in my heart. this is not that. this is me attempting to be God (perfect) in a situation.
except that i am not God, and lack both knowledge and insight into the earthly and kingdom difference He is making in the life of another.
and all this over-introspection does is suck joy and life out of the gift of interactions with others, and the subsequent days that follow.
Joy returns in the letting it all go. in the acknowledging that time and time again He has shown up via my body and words moving about in this world. most of the time i have no idea what He has accomplished. my joy isn’t in having been perfect, it’s in the One who is able to make all Grace abound through the glorious riches that are found in Christ Jesus.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
remembering Who my God is and what He is able to do, frees me to let it go. and ushers in a joy that overcomes discouragement and frustrations in that lack i know full well. His works are wonderful, i know that full well too.
to draw further in: Isaiah 55; psalm 139