prayer – Page 5 – Chasing Joy

Category: prayer (page 5 of 5)

on pretending

May 9, 2014 / mel

Why do you persist in rebellion?
Your whole head is injured,
your whole heart afflicted.
from the sole of your foot to the top of your head
there is no soundness —
only wounds and welts and open sores,
not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil. -isaiah 1:5-6

When we talk there are slight hints, but i miss them. Later i stumble upon things as they actually are. And my heart breaks for the child who is broken and hurting and there is no one who will acknowledge that something is wrong. And i think about the legacy of pretending and the damage it causes.

i was given this legacy too

We had talked about how important it is to be personally journeying towards wholeness. And the “I know, so right!” came with the unspoken denial…”so right for you….I’m doing fine, we’re all doing fine.”

i’m calling it the lie that it is.

Alcoholic families do this pretending thing well.
and abusive ones too.
and then there are the upstanding moral going to church families.
i’ve seen some masterful pretending there too-equally damaging.

As He approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, “if you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace….How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! Look, your house is left to you desolate.” -Jesus

It doesn’t have to be this way.

i learned a long time ago that honesty precedes repentance which precedes love.

And so its not a far leap to see that pretending is not loving-its selfish-and peace crushing.

And lest i get comfortable with the finger-pointing.

i see the pretending in the above situation. i see the hurting child. Will i love? Will i expose? i have been praying over this ever since. How can we come alongside? It’s been years of seeing truth spoken into the lives of the grownups-and the patterns remain. Is there any hope of freedom? Is it too late for the child? Will anyone be willing to be gathered under the wings of the Only One who carries with Him the salve needed?

i don’t know. Once again, i’m “driven to my knees in prayer by the overwhelming conviction that I have nowhere else to go.”

…on the Sabbath day He went into the Synagogue, as was His custom. And He stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. Unrolling it, He found the place where it is written:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the Year of the LORD’s favor.”

Then He rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down…..and He said to them,
“Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” – Luke 4:16-21

This is why He came;

…to comfort all who mourn….to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. -continuation of isaiah 61

Why is it so hard to face our sickness? Pretending that the infection isn’t really growing on a wounded soldier’s leg is stupid and may cause the loss of the entire leg.

Let’s not be stupid.

Let’s be healed

asking

March 10, 2014 / mel

Rembrandt’s Christ in the Storm on the Lake of Galilee

a knock on my window.

and i rise

from my place before the alter.
where i sat.
preaching the gospel to myself.

i open the door

and fix two cups of tea.
knowing without asking
to make hers green and mine black.

and we sit

next to each other

the immoral and moral.
the one who has striven to be lord and master of her life by breaking all the rules.
the one who has striven to be lord and master of her life by keeping them.

and is it true?

both the same in their need for a Savior?

both the same in their value to Him?
really? is it?

both with a chasm that we must see.

a chasm that we cannot cross

that keeps us altogether separate,
without God and without hope
in this land we traverse.

And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands -jon foreman

but God

But God has provided

and we must see
we must see the provision
for the joy to come in and take up residence in these hearts traversing this land.

God’s love which satisfied His own justice.

And both of His hands
Are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
At administering justice

Both of His hands
Both of His hands

Are equally skilled
At showing mercy

Equally skilled
At loving the loveless

Equally skilled
At administering justice

Both of His hands
Both of His hands -jon foreman

and so

this is why i keep asking.

because we both need….. we all need

desperately need his skilled hands

to give us the very thing this day requires

Spirit of wisdom to know Him better
eyes of our hearts enlightened to know the hope and riches of inheritance and power for us who believe.
richness of His mercy that gives life
power to grasp the vastness of His love
strength in Him and His might to take our stand against the devil?s schemes.
help in the struggle.

help in the struggle.
and hope…..
and joy in spite of the struggle.

and both of His hands are equally skilled.
at providing the solution
and showing us mercy
and loving us well
and restoring
oh the skill of His hands to restore.

to draw further in: ephesians-all 6 chapters;

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

grasping

March 7, 2014 / mel

wonderstruck without words
at who You are
look up, You beckon
look up at the vastness
and remember the sky
and the way it reminds you of the vastness
of My love for you.
a knowing….that surpasses knowledge. (what does that even mean??)

And i pray that you, being rooted and established

in love,

may have power…. to grasp

how wide and long and high and deep is

the love of Christ

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge

that you may be filled to the measure of all

the fullness of God.

Now,

to Him who is able

to do immeasurably more

than all we ask or imagine,

according to His power that is at work within us,

to Him

be glory for ever and ever!

Amen. ephesians 3:17-21

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

February 28, 2014 / mel

For this is God, our God forever and ever;
He will be our guide even to death.
O LORD, You are my God. I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name,
for You have done wonderful things;
Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.
psalm 48:14, isaiah 25:1

May this weekend bring you more and more of God Himself!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

slipping

February 18, 2014 / mel

When your feet are slipping, may His faithful Love hold you up. In the multitude of your anxious thoughts within, may His comforts cheer and delight your very soul. -psalm 94:18-19

May God’s word be brought forth from memory to gird up the loins of your mind and may your hope rest fully on the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. -1 peter 1:13

whatever comes, may you be granted power to grasp how high and deep and wide is His very love

for you.

~~~~~~***~~~~~~

inspiring reads from around the web:

from Becca over at TheStanleyClan on fear:

there are no guarantees. Life turns, not as we will it, nor how we prepare for it. Rather, God holds all of our futures in His strong hand, and in His perfect timing. That means we cannot protect against bullets any more certainly than we can protect against a broken heart, both literally and figuratively. Our children’s hearts WILL be broken, as will ours, whether we live in the city or the suburbs. And yes, we will find ourselves in pain and perhaps weeping through the night. But this problem cannot be relegated to simply living in a broken neighborhood. Because the truth remains that we live in an entire world broken in need of a Savior.

from Ann over at AholyExperience: (if i knew how i’d paste a photo of simon’s art, you’ll just have to click over and see)

Sometimes your art will only be seen from the sky, from the perspective of heaven.

The wind will come. Simon’s art will be blown away. Simon knows this.

He still makes art with everyday fallen grace. Simon still creates art knowing it could be gone the very next day.

from Emily over at TheHighCalling

Today a watercolor hangs in our kitchen, a rainbow turtle painted by small hands and offered as a gift. My son didn’t paint to impress, to win, or to compete. He painted as an act of love for me. His expression warms my heart, not because the painting is good but because the boy is mine.
…Perhaps the most beautiful work you can do today is to begin to accept your creative inheritance from God and learn to become yourself in the presence of others, moving into the world as the person you fully are no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what’s gone wrong.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

in This place?

December 13, 2013 / mel

Surely the Lord was in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it! Genesis 28:16

i come in the door grumbling grumbling.

we’ve been spending ourselves this week on behalf of Isaiah 58 people.

the exhaustion is beginning to take it’s toll.

Wednesday, i was at the dentist sitting in the chair next to my daughter and the hygienist completely lost in October’s National Geographic. So much so that they kept asking me questions and talking to me and i was completely oblivious with my head in the pictures of N. Korea and the Congo. Finally my daughter yells out; “MOM! It’s time to go!” i look up and they are both staring at me as if they maybe had mentioned this already a couple of times??

late last night, somewhere between pulling into the driveway and my front door, i lost the car keys.

still, i left that to the light of the next day and attempted to make a birthday cake for my daughter. the pan tipped and spilled half-baked cake all over the oven.

i plop myself down on the couch to try that too again tomorrow and look out my window…..no lights.

those dang squirrels chewed a bulb off-now only ¼ of them light up.

after rehearsing spelling words with my 3^rd grader in the car this morning and shooing him off with a story to remember why there is a silent K in front of Knight, i drive home and the grumbling begins to rumble and spill out within.

pulling into the driveway and i remember those dang lights. and in my grumbling profanity over the lights welled up within and dang wasn’t the word i wanted to use.

i told myself it was silly to speak so about Christmas lights.

i am a complete mess.

last night driving home the words to myself were instead; “i am a complete fool.”

all the volunteers for this week are looking to me to lead them. my children are looking to me to lead them. profanity wells up within about that.

grumbling all the way i plop myself down and am irritated that the whole wide world seems to go on without needing to stop in front of the King of Kings, the Wonder of a Counselor, but no, not i. i am desperate and needy. and completely irritated at that fact. (do you see it? those lies that are such nonsense, but man, in the moment they seem so true.)

and he’s working hard, that infuriated accuser. he’s giving it all he’s got to keep me right here. exhausted and irritated. profaning the Son of God and His provision….or perceived lack there of.

flipping over the promise chart-i read these words:

The Promise of Victory

“Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 john 5:5

oh and those words begin to do their work.

i make my tea and block out the rest of the accusations about how this chai has too much sugar and i’m on December 8^th in ‘The Greatest Gift” so i should just give it up.

I open Ann’s new book to page 65

The only words on the page staring up at me are these:

Surely the Lord was in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it. Genesis 28:16

and i sit and let these tidings of comfort wash over me, lingering before turning the page for more.

(if you don’t have the book-the focus on the reading is Genesis 28:10-16-read that and the rest will make sense i think?)

You can feel it…..like life’s this stairway that you just never stop climbing…..Like all these lists are rungs, like your failures stretch from earth to heaven, like all your rest feels like lying down on one unforgiving stone.

-Ann Voskamp The Greatest Gift p.68

and the tears that fill my eyes blur the rest of the words on the page.

the bugs and the foolishness and the cake and the congo and it all does feel like rest* on one unforgiving stone.

and today, i need my King to be a Victorious King, and my Shepherd to be a gentle Shepherd, and my Counselor to be a Wonder of a Counselor. He is all those things and so very much more.

Love has come.

daily rescuing.

daily saving.

daily strengthening.

daily quenching.

daily loving, oh how deeply loving with the very word needed-even if it’s ‘technically’ days behind schedule.

sigh. the grumbling and profanity** has stopped. although i would not complain if the neighborhood boys did some target practice on some squirrels.

Holy Holy Holy

Lord God Almighty

Merciful and Mighty

in This very place

Holy Holy Holy

are You,

my Love.

my only Hope.

my only source of Strength.

my true Rest.

*He taught me about rest. I sat in Matthew pondering these two verses side by side (11:28-30 and 13:22) and i did think of blogging on it-but the words have been hard to pin down these days-maybe soon?

** Also quoted in Ann’s book these word of Elizabeth Elliot; “[Profanity] is treating as meaningless that which is freighted with meaning. Treating as common that which is hallowed. Regarding as a mere triviality what is really a divine design. Profanity is failure to see the inner mystery.” p.69 in The Greatest Gift.
my profanity was actually not in the words i wanted to speak over the Christmas lights, it went so much deeper than that.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

The Lord, my Shepherd

November 24, 2013 / mel

North Carolina sky

God is my shepherd

i won’t be wanting

i won’t be wanting

He makes me rest in fields of green. by quiet streams

even while i’m walking…… thru the valley……… of death and dying.

i will not fear, cause You are with me, You’re always with me.

i don’t even know how to write this post. how to paint the picture for you to understand how those words nourish in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

in the middle of the week as i lay in bed, unable to sleep because of the trauma of the day, i recited the entire thing to myself over and over and over again.

this week was full of heart wrenching struggles. the possibility that my neighbors (little) dog would have to be put down because of my (very big) dog jumping the fence. rejoicing over that outcome (she made it through surgery and will be ok) and stressing over a now large bill to pay and new fence to build from a small bank account. the time at the day center for homeless families sitting alongside a man with his head in his hands weeping over the news of his little boy far away-6 yrs. old and both legs amputated. my pregnant sister in the hospital again. too far away for me to visit.

and a month ago, in the middle of our flood, i buy a ticket that will take me to the other side of the US for the weekend. i couldn’t see into the future to be sure that it would be ok to go. i just had to trust that it would be.

it’s not really. but i’m going anyway.

when we booked the flight/car/hotel i couldn’t see thousands of miles away what the hotel we were choosing would be like. i just had to choose one.

here’s where the words fail me.

so i’ll just say that i needed my Shepherd to comfort me and make me rest when the fields weren’t green at all and there were no quiet streams. i never noticed till now that following that wonderful image (i mean can’t you just see in your mind those fields and the stream?)…following that

is the valley.

of death and dying.

David says he won’t fear.

why?

because His Shepherd is with him,

He’s always with him.

well, my Shepherd did make me rest in spite of the lack of green or quiet. and i thanked Him so very much. That His presence was constant and this weekend could still be a time of rest and refreshment…even here.

but then

in the middle of the night

bugs

bugs crawling on me. all these little bugs crawling around in my bed. suffice it to say. i freak out. and i leave. and through my sobs i manage to find myself a more suitable place to stay.

…………………………………………

i don’t even know.

here i am. this week? i have nothing. i know nothing.

and at 2 am far from home i’m wrestling with deep stuff. i wanted rest.

Whole only comes after broken. Healing only comes after wounds. Are you willing to go a bit further and see?…….It doesn’t mean that God is trying to teach us a lesson in our difficulty. Perhaps He is simply creating a masterpiece. -emily freeman – a million little ways p. 104, 105

perhaps He is creating a masterpiece.

am i willing to go a bit further and see?

man the wrestling is hard work. and i won’t be attending the Barn event rested. i’ll be attending quite fragile and quite simply exhausted i predict.

but the beauty (masterpiece?) of this weekend is that i never questioned

that He was with me

the entire time.

When i couldn’t find words, only sobbs-the Spirit translated my groans for me.

when i began to condemn myself He brought to mind just the thing i needed. (one example: condemning myself for freaking out over the bugs and not just toughing it out-and i remembered Corrie ten Boom and the biting flies. she’d put up with much thus far in that concentration camp –but the flies were too much for her too.)

He shows me that there are quiet streams here too, in this valley of death and dying. He sticks in my mind jon foreman’s words: “Two things you told me: that You are strong and You love me…..yes You love me.”

and

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (matthew 10)

and internet at the new hotel so i can stream pandora and have music to drown out any lies the enemy wants to whisper.

Yes. He is my Shepherd.

i won’t be wanting.

And this same God who takes care of me

will supply all your needs

from His glorious riches,

which have been given to us

in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians something i think)

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Category: prayer (page 5 of 5)

on pretending

asking

grasping

more

slipping

in This place?

The Lord, my Shepherd

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