i take the time to ponder my surprising response to those who deemed my choices foolish. and i realize the gift the broken car and sick child and sick me gave. all of that shifted my perspective very quickly to the reality that i have no control over anything. and the natural stress and fatigue that they brought with them shifted my energy. no longer did i have energy to spend self-editing, self-doubting, self-focusing.
i marvel at the One who takes the bad and creates something good from it. satan’s plans are thwarted. God is still glorified, light shines in dark places, and i become more free. and i have nothing to do with any of it. all there is to do is soak in the Wonder.
there is so much joy in freedom.
there is so much freedom in understanding who i am and Whose i am and Who He Is.
looking back i see the beautiful work of a Father, moving this daughter into the world and creating Art with the way:
i keep talking even tho my words aren’t being understood
i keep deciding even tho i don’t have all the information
i reject analysis of my time with the car and with family. i let Him fight for me and once strengthened i join the fight for hope. i rest in the truth that Christ is in me-and He will come out. it is the hope of glory. it is glory’s only hope.
i take the risk and go on the hike. i speak honestly my frustration about being left behind without food and water, but don’t condemn. i listen to the journey my husband and son took with interest and share in their joy.
i pay attention to the fact that the words don’t stick. i marvel at the way fatigue and stress and sickness remove my ability to absorb another’s opinions. i recognize that not only is joy worth the fight, but avoidance of pain is not worth the absence of joy.
once we return from all the travels, i breathe deep the days of sleeping in and stop apologizing to the people in my imagination about the laundry not started and the groceries yet to get.
i show up here and write it all down
“Perhaps the most beautiful work you can do today is to begin to accept your creative inheritance from God and learn to become yourself in the presence of others, moving into the world as the person you fully are no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what’s gone wrong.”
it is for freedom
that Christ as set us free.
Stand firm, then,
and do not let yourselves be burdened again
by a yoke of slavery.