ok, so i didn’t know this would be a series….i didn’t know the interlude posts would be one either. 

it is just like Jesus, to answer my questions/prayers this way.  daily and over time.

today, i didn’t know the kids would pick C.S. Lewis’ The Silver Chair to listen to (via FOTF’s Radio Theatre)  (are you catching the theme of how much i just don’t know??)

The Silver Chair is my most favorite.  for me-the most hope building. 

Jill makes so many mistakes.  from the very beginning-mistake!  absolutely, her journeys would be easier without all these mistakes.  yet the beauty of it is that Aslan helps her along the way anyway.  and his help is all the more precious partnered with the mistakes. 

every time i listen to this one, hope builds.  principles of the realities of life shine.  gems like…

Jill: “I bet we sleep well tonight.”

Narrator “Which just shows how little anyone knows what is going to happen to them next”

so if you are in need of a burst of hope-pick up The Silver Chair for a good read (or listen).  actually, if i think about it, i’d say pick up any of the 7 books.  For there are treasures in all of them, and maybe the gem you need is in a different one? 

and in those treasures… hope to keep going builds.

what is interesting to me these last days is that just as hope begins to build, something happens to re-enforce the ‘logic’ in giving up.  the weight of impossibility threatens to engulf.

i feel like i’m on a see-saw.

Yet, like Aslan and Jill…..

Jesus keeps bringing His help along the way.

and it is all the more precious partnered with my desperate need for it.  

reflecting on yesterday’s post, it reads a bit more pollyanna than i intended.

you see, He’s taken me far with grasping His deep deep love for me.  Amy Carmichael’s words; (found in her book; “Rose from Briar”) “Thy Calvary stills all my questions” applies to my questions about His love.  He proved it-He settled it.

but my hope issues of late, they’ve been related to His power, not His love. 

Amy once wrote in one of her books about a dream.  people were stumbling over the edge of a cliff to their death.  where there were Christians linked in arm at the edge of the cliff, the people were being stopped.  but where there were holes in the chains, the people were stumbling over. 

Emily Freeman wrote recently about lifeguards.  

it’s so freeing to recognize that i have been assigned only a portion of the pool….or the cliff.

but what i’ve forgotten is that if the people in my world step over me-or get out of the pool and go home, Jesus is bigger than all of that.

this was me….

The whole head is sick
And the whole heart is faint.
From the sole of the foot even to the head
There is nothing sound in it,
Only bruises, welts and raw wounds,
Not pressed out or bandaged,
Nor softened with oil.  (Isaiah 1)

Jesus plucked me out.  He did it.  He bound and healed my wounds, soothed them with Himself.  He’s broken patterns of thinking and living.  and He’s teaching me all about joy.

but what about when the ones i love dearly, they want none of it?  they remain with their bruises, welts and raw wounds….refusing bandages and the soothing oil of the Father?

i begin to feel like satan is winning.  and that sucks away my hope.  i forget Jesus’ power. 

then my pastor shared this story-it’s just a story, (i can’t tell if it’s true- there is a real painting, but no matter-the point is what i needed either way.)  …and it struck again to the question i’ve been asking even tho i hadn’t formed it into words.

the painting shows satan as the winner-checkmate.  the man-lost and desparing.  the way Gary told it; upon further study a man declared; “It’s a lie!  the king and the knight still have moves left!” 

the winner is Christ.  and He still has moves left.  in the lives of those i love-He still has moves left.  they may or may not involve me.  i may or may not get to see them.  but no matter.  i just needed to remember…..

the hope of His calling

His incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand….  (ephesians 1)

it feels quite foolish, shameful even to have lost sight of how mighty my God is.  but it’s the truth, i did.

the grief over the losses is still there.  but grief with hope is quite a different thing than grief without hope.  He grieves too. 

He rescued me.  He continues to rescue me.  it is not hopeless.

thank you Mighty God.

He came to bind up the brokenhearted, bring good news to the poor, release captives from prison, to soothe wounds with the oil of joy in place of mourning.  (isaiah 61) His resurrection proves that His ways of doing this are victorious.   

There is hope. Christ still has moves left.

He indeed has risen.  that is His best move ever!

grieving over all who are missing it.  who don’t have it.  and struggling myself to hold on to it.

that’s how this day started.

and then.

Since Christ is risen…..

Hope!

His death proves His love, His resurrection proves His power. 

if He can conquer death…..

Hope!

Corrie Ten Boom learned that there is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.

and Emily over at chattingatthesky put it this way: 

‘the companionship of Jesus goes deeper still.”

ahh….Hope!

He whisper’s to my heart; “I Know….it. all. I’ve still got more moves* left.”

(*thinking of chess/checkmate)

This is not the end.  it’s lifting…. growing…. returning…..

Glorious Hope

they all walked away. consumed with grief.

and hope?  it vanished. 

he is dead.  we had hoped. 

i sat there this year at our tenebrae service and i could not help but remember last year.  last year i had sat with 3 people i had only known for 5 days.  we had given food and shelter to others for that week, but these 3-something different was happening.  these came to the service.  and then spent 2 hours following the service asking me questions, and i opened up the scriptures and talked and listened. and went to bed amazed at what i just watched God do….with this vessel that is me. amazed that He allowed me to participate.  and then spent this past year pouring out my heart, my life, my love.  hoping they. would. know. Him.

last night i sat there and the seats next to me were empty.  these 3-they chose not to return to this place.  i had hoped.

Jesus.  he spent 3 years with those 12. opening up the scriptures. explaining. pouring out his heart, his life, his love.  hoping they. would. know. Him.

today is the day of sitting in this place of hope deferred.  feeling it. grieving.

 i know, i know there is the rest of the story.  but i don’t want to go there yet.  i want to stay in this place for a while. ponder. reflect.

the psalms say something like this; “hope deferred makes the heart sick”

the truth is, my heart has been growing in this sickness for a while.  those 3 aren’t the only ones for whom ‘i had hoped.’  there are more, and i am one of them. 

i read the other day on flowerpatchfarmgirl’s blog about wonder. 

i think this heart sickness is related to a loss of wonder. 

and i have asked for its return.

sitting here in this place, its my Emmaus road.  i’m walking it with my risen Lord, but i’m blind like those disciples.  i don’t know that by tomorrow’s celebration of the rest of the story i will have moved on or not.  i just know for today. (this day bewteen friday and sunday)

he is dead. i had hoped.

Christ came to them in that place.  He met them there.

Please come and open my eyes to Your Wonder……

….right here with empty seats.